I managed to start my day by dying in a half fit ship simply because I had forgotten that I was in a half fit ship. Such is life. Yesterday, I had been in one ship, thought I was in another, and hit fit. It removed half of the mods, I realized what happened and switched. I never fixed my first ship. My inattention cost me.
Therefore, when I got the sudden inspiration to make a random bookmark off a gate, I was in a perfect position to be pointed and killed. What I had expected to do and what did happen are quite different things. In the end, I made a mistake.
Some would consider it unacceptable. A partially fit ship. Death to a war target. I have opened myself up to ridicule and mockery. In fact, Eve is quite filled with such ridicule and mockery. People read killboards simply to find people in bad situations and call them out on it. Odd kills, improper fits, mistakes, and errors are gathered up and chrishished.
What is hard in Eve about making a mistake is that it is near impossible to own the mistake. I'd be told that I was making excuses, covering it up, or playing the 'didn't want that anyway' card. So, as I am insulted and ridiculed I find myself wondering, is there a way to clearly own a mistake? I have this urge, very often, to sit down and ask people if they believe the things that they say? I would be accused of tears. Perhaps, this entire post would be considered tears.
It used to be that I was very careful not to make mistakes. They were, if anything the worst thing that I could do. Not because I thought that I could be perfect but because I dreaded the out burst that often followed someone commenting upon your mistake. From warping to the wrong gate to losing a ship in a poor situation it was that flash of bright, irritated reaction that I avoided. It was not that I was embarassed to make mistakes it was that I wanted to avoid the reaction some people had when they discovered it.
Some react in shock. Some tease and mock. It was always unpleasant and I'd wrap myself up in caution to avoid it. I avoided the notice of some people because their reaction was always negative. Disappointment. Irritation. Ahh, how I didn't want to be the cause of those things. But I learned that you can overdue the caution and that is what I did for a long, long time.
While I may not throw caution to the wind I expect to make a lot more mistakes in the future. Perhaps, later today. I'm sure tomorrow. I'm sure it will continue into the future. Because, I am playing a game. I'm playing a game where mistakes mean that you fall and successes are hard won. And today I made a mistake that I will learn from.