Wednesday, November 25, 2015

In Which I am Not Socially Acceptable for Public View

Who knew that having terrible reception at work for the last two weeks would be such a positive. I feel nice and clear headed.

For those that attended Eve Vegas, CCP sent out a survey. I appreciate these things and I try to write honestly. I liked most of the events. I also have little else to compare the event to. Eve is the only game that I play that interests me enough to go to wider events.

I did hate on the party. The music was horrifically loud and increase in volume during the night. I suspect as people consumed their alcoholic beverages and their voices rose, the music went up to compensate. All that meant was by 2200 it was unbearably loud and I was yelling at people standing directly beside me.

The first year that I went to Eve Vegas, I skipped the party. The second year I went, but left after a bit of speaking to no one and watching people mingle. The view atop Rio was amazing and I drank that in for several hours. The third year, having been elected to the CSM, people actually talked to me. It was such an amazing and wondrous thing that I was somewhat excited to arrive for the fourth year.

My suggestion was to have the dress code announced. People were surprised by it last time and did not come prepared. I don't carry dress clothing with me most of the time or dress shoes. As expected there was some ruckess over the dress code. I understood people who grumbled because they'd have to dress up. What I did not expect was the people who would sneer at those who did not or did not wish to dress up.

Insults. Names. Belittlement. Snobbery. It is a non-ending cascade of reactions. I have no social life and never do I think about fashion. It left me a bit surprised. Why do people care what others wear? It is a larger question and one that is not new. My perpetual infatuation with the game and the community blind me to the flaws at times and I found myself disgusted by the ugliness of behavior over fancy clothing. The chances are that I am going to ruin your evening dressed nicely or not if something as terrible as a pair of jeans or sandals ruins your magical party night.

Is there a solution? The 'party' aspect of Fanfest and Eve Vegas seem to be entrenched into the expectations of the event. My personal opinion is probably not one to rely on considering my inherent dislike of social situations. I struggle to understand why clothing matters in these situations but somewhere in the vague area of acceptance I know that it does.

However, I've stood up to defend those that do not wish to dress up. Dress clothing makes me feel stupid, not attractive. I could go onto a multi page rant about my distaste for the subject. Let it be said that it is strong and made stronger by those who mock, scorn, ridicule, and smirk at others because of their dress. As far as I am concerned, I am that person and I do not care what society may say about the judgement made over a persons dress. I'm not going to stand by and accept what I disagree with.

It may be that my personality in these things is to forceful. I was told to 'calm down'. That irritated me. Why is it that if I disagree with a social norm, I am not calm? It seems that I may be to blunt or straight forward. Instead of slowly ramping up to a topic I instead stand up and deliver a distilled version of my feelings. It seems easier to me but it also seems to make me 'in need of calming down'.

Ah well. My survey is filled out. I'll continue to champion normal American street clothing. Maybe I'm screaming at the wind. Still, there has to be some way to have a 'party' that isn't wrapped around clothing. Of course, I suspect I'm on the wrong side of the topic.

Ah well.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

CSMX - Post #36

Tis the season if you are into holidays. Thanksgiving in the USA has been plowed over by the voracious market of Christmas. CCP Seagull released an update and inside of it is something called Operation Frostline. She suggests that you pay attention. Plus, we're getting new ships in December. A lot of new ships.

Dev blogs teach us all sorts of new things. Team Tech Co is the team behind Brain in a Box. While releasing this major update to Eve's Eveness, they also slipped in a CREST update that allows players to save out of game fits directly to their characters. Consider me pleasantly surprised. It is a useful quality of life update. I have studied the killboard of those I admire and stolen a fit or two. With these uploads, saved fittings and multi-buy, putting a ship together is becoming a smoother process. Hopefully, some of us will not need to go back to the market half a dozen times in the future.

I've been asked a few times if the skill point reimbursement is done. The answer is yes. Not everyone got hit with this so not everyone will have allocated skill points added.

Plus there was an o7 show on Thursday the 19th of November, 2015 for those that watch it. There is a section about the new destroyers tucked away in there for those that do not wish to wait. They are also running around on the test server in their early phase for those who want to play now.

Which reminds me of graphics. We have a lot of graphical updates. Some are quite lovely like ship damage. Others are not as exciting as they could be in my opinion. I do look at ships and ship explosions. There are all sorts of changes coming up and I'm worried that things will get dulled down like when ship explosions changed from a blue flash to a bit of gold dust.

The new camera is also driving people insane on the test server. Leave feedback. I've passed some along but CCP Goliath is super active in his threads.

There has been some question if the Eve Store's arrival before Christmas. CSM members have asked about it and the future of Eve products. Hopefully it will be online but there is no guaranty. It would be an unfortunate missed opportunity on all sides. The dearth of Eve merchandise for the player base is frustrating.

Eve Down Under is also coming up. I expect there will be more tidbits and goodies for those interested in what is coming up with CCP Larrikin stomping in his home ground of Australia. After that, things are winding up into the release and then the Christmas Holiday.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Enjoying the Nonfun

Having completed this build I pondered the slow drag of the last two months as I've worked on it. In the end, I did not enjoy building it. I am okay with that. I don't feel as if I wasted time. I'm not unhappy with my choice. There are no regrets. I tried something and after finishing it, I pondered my feelings for the situation.

Fun has been an elusive term for me. I enjoy a lot of things. Sometimes that enjoyment is only discovered once the process is over. It reminds me of some books that I have read. Page for page they did not thrill me but whenever I put them down and the entire story merged together I was entranced by it.

Trying things and the success and failures keep me going. I don't like to fail. I'd love to be perfect at everything that I do. I've yet to find the reality where I am always perfect. Instead, there is a base acceptance that I may or may not do well at something. Trying it what lets me figure it out.

There is a safety to an interactive video game that does not exist in the real world. I cannot just spin up a business and invest a chunk of my savings into it to see if I have any ability to make a profit off of selling things in my day to day life as I can in Eve.

Adventure. Fun. Not fun. Fun in not fun. What more can a girl ask for?

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

A long day and a million trit short

Gasping and panting I dragged myself across the line of this capital build, finally. I am only about two months behind where I planned to be with it. Holy hell. My ability to focus on things in game and be productive has taken an incredible, embarrassing, and somewhat horrific turn.

In many ways I am still finding out how much doing something for someone else motivated me. Right now, I'm tired. The stress of hauling was to much so I paid to have a lot of stuff moved. That is burning through ISK that has no return because I have not made ISK in about six months.

The project I am working on does not motivate me. Jump, move, dump, build, jump warp, dock, move, move, move, find out I didn't bring enough stuff again, get, move, dock, jump, warp... etc. I've been doing the same things for years and I enjoyed it. But alone, it is not fun. It is just something to be done.

That left me staring at a less than one million ISK trit shortage with a resigned horror that made me want to just log out and walk away.

Instead, I laid on my virtual floor and moaned as I went to source a million Trit from what felt like the abandoned, burn, salted planes of Death Valley and debated aloneness while not being alone. The floor is a good place for whining.

It is my good fortune that I have a populated chatroom to hang out in every day. I appreciate the residents. They keep me company, entertained, and sometimes busy. Now and then they irritate me. Sometimes we fight. An occasional rage quit here and there. It is the normal, interactive stuff that comes from people being people.

They keep me connected in a world that can easily become a quiet, silent, lonesome journey. I can see how easy it would be to roll off of Eve's grid. Sometimes I crave it. The busy, frantic pace of the last year and a half has worn me down with its frantic energy and non-ending floor of information. It is consumptive but also destructive and I find myself dearly missing that time when I had others in my corporation chat that mad me smile to log in.

I did not expect my loneliness. I have spent so much time in the game doing things on my own. But on my own was not the same as alone. I always had the warm presence of a corporation at my back. I enjoy the co-op work tremendously. While I was sold on Eve only a few days into my trial, it is playing Eve with others that led me down this particular rabbit hole.

Other people motivate me in Eve. They make me excited. They make me mad. I've created entire projects that spanned years just to prove someone wrong who did not even know they had angered me and probably don't know my name. But, that never bugged me. I did it to prove them wrong not rub it in their face.

Yet, I've also developed a bit of a fear in finding a corporation. Does anyone actually want me? Am I anything else other than the CSM name? Am I even a good corporation mate? I'm stubborn and particular and tend to dig in my heels when someone else hands me rules. I've failed my last two corporation attempts. Maybe I'm a bad seed.

Being mostly along proves to be an interesting place to reflect. Mostly, I say. Not totally. I have to many awesome people to keep me company every day to whine that much.

I also got that trit purchased and the final build is going in.


I'm just gonna lay here.

Monday, November 16, 2015


The difference in price for a Prorator between Hek and Jita turned out to be about fifty million ISK. Thank goodness I misread my asset list.

The misread happened when I attempted to plug in a build and got an error on megacyte. Of course I did. I'm almost done the build and things have been going well. Something had to happen. I think I have enough of everything else. I think. These are the times that I wish I was a spreadsheet guru. I would have automatic tables built in that told me things. As it is, I stumble around and bump my head into the well until a ship is built or I pass out.

I decided to go with Friction Nozzle Joints. Where I am going if I am caught I am dead. On the flip side, hopefully no one will be around when I jump in and my paranoia will make me chuckle a bit. Maybe.

Being on my own, fitting ships is more about what I want to do with them. With no meta to worry about and no fleet doctrine to fit to, I have spent more time scrolling through modules to see what they do and to see what I want them to do.

I do know in the back of my mind that what things say and seem to do and how they actually preform are sometimes a bit different in Eve. There were also the nagging voices of 'how things should be done' to contend with. They told me I had to fit this module or that one so that people would not laugh at me if and when my ship died.

Ignoring the voices of reason and how it should be is a tremendous task. Because of my early integration into an experienced group, I've had most of my ship fits handed to me over the years. Not being a numbers person, I was happy with this situation. I downloaded EFT as I was told to do. I've played with it a few times. It is a very good tool but it is not one that keeps me fixated on Eve. And when I am fair, I've never used tools like that for any game.

The Great Right Way exists in many games. There are the right class, skills, and equipment to pick. Why this is something I've not rejected in Eve as I have in every other game interest me. When I attempt to break it down the major difference between Eve and other games I play is how much I am working with other people.

My gameplay has always been on my own terms. Playing with my best friend was easy. We had complimentary natural play styles. The only other game that I seriously played with strangers was City of Heroes. One of my most successful characters was a pure healer. She'd be invited to groups all the time. But, I remember when someone wanted a buff of some type. I had not learned it and they where shocked and irritated. I felt bad there to and a bit confused that they wanted things I had never really considered.

In the past, I've bantered about the term 'serious gamer' ever since I was told that I am not serious. I do not think that I can claim to not be serious as this point. I can reevaluate the term.


  • having an important or dangerous possible result
  • involving or deserving a lot of thought, attention, or work
  • giving a lot of attention or energy to something
  • thoughtful or subdued in appearance or manner 
  • requiring much thought or work <serious study>
  • of or relating to a matter of importance <a serious play>
  • not joking or trifling :  being in earnest 
  • deeply interested :  devoted 
  • not easily answered or solved 
  • having important or dangerous possible consequences 
  • excessive or impressive in quality, quantity, extent, or degree 
If anything, serious is a ridiculously good word to define me. Instead, seeing that English has a lot of words to use, non-technical is perhaps a better term for my gaming style. I am not the archnerdtype that is into math and builds electrical panels from nothing but dreams and peppermints. I can discuss genetics and some sciences. It has long been one of my hobbies. I think that technical lack has been my weak point in Eve. I cannot ever get a correct load of materials moved while my husband can recite IP addresses like I can tell you the recipe to anything that I make.

Surprise, we're all different. Still. Just like the last time I thought about it. 

There is an urge to wallow in defense and justification of my view. Instead, I'm going to explore it a bit more. Wander back to where I was when I didn't know that there was a right way.

My blockade runner idea went fairly well. I did learn that I am not in my ascendancy implants. I must have jumped out of them some months ago and forgotten. I ran out of another material along the way. 

Back to Jita I go

Sunday, November 15, 2015

CSMX - Post #35

I'd like to thank everyone that responded to my search for experience in capital warfare in low security space. Please know that I am also glaring at you for not signing up before I started begging. Once I did people fell out of the bushes all over the place. Unfortunately, this is not a topic that I want to address based off of only my personal experience and knowledge.

Feedback has been coming in from Sisi about the changes to the camera. These changes where announced at Eve Vegas. For anyone willing to check out Sisi, please give the new camera  look. One of the major complaints I am hearing is that it does not have a 'classic' mode. It does cool things and detaches and such but the lack of 'normal' or 'classic' camera is bothering people, especially when it comes to manual piloting. I have also heard that it is lagging and sluggish. This, I expect will improve and I'll keep listening in.

Also on Sisi is the first changes to grid size. This one is staggering. CCP Nullarbor said at Eve Vegas that there wasn't a major reason to keep grids small. This current Sisi build has them much, much larger. If you used off grid pounces, they are now on grid. It will change instawarps if you used instas that went off grid. Etc, etc, etc.

There was a somewhat forlorn post on Features and Ideas asking if CCP looks at it. CCP Darwin answered, "Yes."  I often direct people at the Features and Ideas forum because it is read. Not having a developer comment on your post or not having your idea implemented did not mean it was not read and considered. The other factor is time. There are very few 'easy' and 'small' and 'simple' changes when one looks at the list of ideas vs what it would take to implement them. Development of the game happens over months and years. No matter how good the idea and how much they may want to implement it, they almost always take time. Even easy things may sit in the backlog for months. I have projects that I started last term that came to fruition this term or will happen after I leave office. Saying that things take time is not a desirable answer but it is a true one.

More information has been bouncing around about the destroyers. I believe there is commentary going on during the Amarr championships. I do not watch the competitions so I cannot speak as to what hte developers say. They are looking to be interesting enough that I kind of want to fly one.

I had an interesting question posed about the potential future of abandoned citadels. Currently, derelict POS are a pain in the butt. You have to war dec to remove them so that you can plant your POS down. The difference with citadel is that they are not limited to a moon. You do not have to remove them to put yours down. However, there will still be irritating abandoned structures in space. Opinions?

And talking. Probably tomorrow around 2000. Depends on life and spousal obligations. But, talking reminded me that Mynxee reminded me that the Market chat I did with Signal Cartel is available. This is not secrets to making 90 dollars an hour working from home. It is just my views and approaches to my market or if I were setting up a new one. It is mostly how I think. My marketing style is not regimented and price set. It is a flexible, living thing that changes with its environment. I think its low maintenance. Others may not.

I'm sure I missed stuff. I have been working a lot a lot. It will continue into the end of the month, just in time for the misery that is the holiday season.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Walking Along

To my surprise, I woke up around 0830 this morning. I wasn't expecting that. These last two weeks I have manipulated my schedule to accommodate a co-workers needing to take leave at the last minute. With my new position this type of manipulation is easily approved. However, it has been exhausting as I've compressed my schedule.

That's how I found myself awake early, wanting to try my new boots on. I think I would have slept in if it were not for the boots. Anyway, I tried them on and they look great. But! I remembered to do some Eve stuff.

I have managed to drag most of the supplies for my project into low sec. I've been building away, much to my great glee. But, watching some of the comments on multi-buy from Vov as he was debating doing some runs on T2 ships. I realize that it is another feature that I've supported and cheered into the game but haven't gotten a chance to use.

There is so much Eve to relearn and learn. I'm rather excited. I am sure that I will soon run out of minerals. I never, ever, ever buy the correct amounts the first time. Hopefully, this means I will get a chance to try out multi-buy.

And I need to move my one cyno pilot around who is also a research pilot. Ugh. maybe, tomorrow?

My question of the day was someone asking what my corp meant. For not, not much. It is some thought about my general interest in neutrality. Having not succeeded in staying in ether of my last two corps, I've decided to figure out what I need and want. Do I want to make a corp? Do I want to join a corp? I don't know. I have nothing to give a group right now. That, I have well learned and it is not a mistake I plan to repeat again. After, when I am a person and not an office, I don't know.

Eve has changed a lot. I had hoped to come through this entire thing unchanged and happy with a string of successes to wear like pearls around my neck. Things have not quite gone in that fashion and experience has forced its relentless path through my personality and interests.

Now is the time for musing. Spring will be the time for action.