Thursday, June 8, 2017

Busy, busy, busy

I find that it is still easy to write about Eve. However, I've not been playing Eve. I spent most of the last few weeks finishing up my crochet project. It was a birthday present for my best friend. Since someone expressed interest in it, here it is.




It is displayed on a king size bed. I made it as a birthday present for my best friend. We've had twenty years of friendship. I met her online when I was a teenager. Our birthdays are two weeks apart so I celebrated mine by making her something. I'm not one to celebrate birthdays but now and then I try to pull myself to a social norm and do something special for the people I love.

I spent a long time fighting to be myself. I finally discovered a balance in this last handful of years. It is still a struggle but for some reason, in my late thirties, understanding is moving briskly along. With that understanding comes comfort. I don't have to fight about and for things like I used to. I don't have to make anyone accept me. My own acceptance is enough.

It doesn't go far enough yet but I'm trying. The comfort that it brings allows me to stop resisting things. I got people Christmas presents and birthday gifts in these last years. Not because I care bout ether occasion but because I care about the person. I'm comfortable enough with me to ignore my own opinion and do things to make people I care about happy.

This is a major point for me because I've spent the past while teetering on the brink of my CSM memoirs. I wrote them. I wrote everything. The good. The bad. My fears and tears. I poured it all out and now that it is done I am struggling to move to the next step of sharing. I still wrestle with the discomfort of public opinion when it comes to my creations. It is easy to create in silence and away from the eyes of others. It is harder to stand and be judge on that creation.

Nothing is perfect. The blanket I made is not perfect. Yet, it is not a sum of its flaws but a creation of its whole. The flaws work into it. Hand made some would call it. Maybe that is what my writing of the CSM is as well. Like some won't care for my color choices some will not care for my writing. It is easy to say. So, so easy to say.

It is harder to live through it.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

The most current ending

My fansite was turned off at some point. I do not take offense. I was(am?) inactive after all. I don't pepper the darkness with my random thoughts with quite the energy that I once did. I find myself pondering what to do. Do I live a life of an unsubscribed account? One where I can chatter and prattle but do almost nothing? Or, do I maintain a habit that I am not really using at this time?

It leaves a question that will eventually be answered.

While I pondered this utterly deep thought, I saw someone ask about bounties. Ah, bounties. How they have not changed while I had my eyes closed. The question was, "What bounty amount does there need to be to get people to pay attention to it?"

While eleventy billion is amusing to say, it doesn't answer the question. Down in the depths of my skull I pulled up the general answer about bounties and their payouts. I then went looking for a bounty payout and found that they had long ago vanished under the weight of war declarations and structure notifications during my time in Snuffbox.

Oh, PvP. It's been a long while since I met you.

Monday, May 22, 2017

There it is!

After a week of rather more work then I care for and a weekend of crochet, I decided to log in and figure out what was going on.

Had my contracts been delivered? The answer is yes.

Did I find my PLEX? Indeed I did. I maybe came back between old PLEX and Arum/Plex? Or something like that? I could always look at the news and the dev blogs. I can also just make random guesses and have no idea. The second is a lot more fun.

Sunday night isn't the night to find people. I logged in, typed some songs out in chat and wandered back off. I accomplished absolutely nothing.

Bliss.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Consolidation and Loss

I have one active account. I admit, I've found other things to do with all of the money that I used to spend on alt accounts. Intuition gets a monthly Bark Box for instance. I've also taken to getting my nails done every two weeks.

That made me think of consolidation. I have all of the stock from TCS sitting in a station in high sec. I doubt I can fly my freighters on the alt accounts and I don't feel like reactivating them. Moving possessions to sale might be a hobby for a little bit.

I'm not interested in a firesale so much as just selling some of the mass of things from past projects. I don't see myself setting those projects up again anytime soon.

I'm not interested in draining any of my characters of their skill points. Not only am I fond of them, I dislike the skill point injector system just as much as I did before. Now it is a vague distaste instead of a passionate stance.

Of course, as I search my assets I find a billion ISK in assets stuck in low sec. I guess it will be worth whatever inflated hauler price exists now.

I do have stuff scattered in some amazing places. I've also found some cute assets like my stolen Viator.

I also seem to have lost my PLEX. I had four of them laying around and I just discovered the PLEX vault. I was going to stick them in there. It doesn't look as if I screwed up and sold them. I'm rather puzzled as to what I did with them. I get that dropped feeling of 'what did I do?' but then I wonder, does it matter? The things have been hanging around for years. Am I upset or am I worried about the reaction of others if I did make a mistake?

It is an interesting ghost.


Thursday, May 11, 2017

Muscle Memory



I was struggling to take screen shots. I noticed that the exhaust on my cynabal was a bit cooler. I'd struggled earlier in the day to take a screenshot. There are options such as googling the answer or asking someone. That all seemed ridiculous when I can hit my keyboard randomly and see what happens.

I am the proud owner of one screen shot. I decided to venture and pick up some stuff from low sec just because. I was super proud of myself until I forgot what I was doing and wandered away from my computer while I was in high sec. I came back alive but I laughed that my survival instincts seem to not be operational. On the flip side, my lawn got mowed.

There is also my useless bookmarks. As I warped to a pounce I had under a station I pondered the existence of the station above me. I wasn't undocking when the newer, bigger grids came into play. I now remember a thought somewhere in the back of my brain that I'd have to change my bookmarks. As that I was not undocking at the time, I didn't worry about it. Now, I face an interesting change.

I also found the 'add to queue' button under the ship skills. I find it very giggle worthy that it added to the end of my skill list. Some 124 days in the future.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Random Thought

Why did this never occur to me before?

It would have been a much more interesting and interactive life to get a percentage of the product instead of ISK at the Customs Office.

How did I miss this? I'm sure I never thought about it. I was to focused on raw numbers, cash flow, and not the potential obnoxious and fascinating struggle of product movement.

This may have an interest for me only due to my struggle with Planetary Interaction. I just don't get it. I've read tutorials. I've burned with jealousy over the sucess of others. I have not managed to have any sucess in something that others swear to me is an incarnation of simply.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Amusing Struggles

The sensible and productive thing to do would be to go look at developer blogs and figure out changes. That has little appeal and feels to serious for my current low level interest in things.

I like the new character sheet windows. I made some assumptions about how things would work. I assumed I could still drag skills around and adjust my windows. I was correct. I assumed that I could drag skills and scroll. That worked too. I should see if I can detach the training queue but that seems like more work then it is worth right now when I have such amazing plans.

Someone, that I will assume is me, decided to fill Sugar's skill queue. I say good job to her. Sugar has learned all sorts of random things that I have  no interest in. However, that has opened up her path to learn some scanning skills. Finally. After five or six years.

For years, scanning skills where the privy of two of my other accounts. I diversified early and seriously. Sugar was serious spaceship pew pew. Today, I cheerfully plugged in Archaeology levels 2-4. I'll slot in the other scanning things and set Sugar off in a life of doing something or another.

Maybe.

It is a thought. One that is followed by another one.

Sugar has never managed my Eve life. I've always had that safely tucked away on alternate accounts. She owns little liquid ISK to avoid scams. She owns only combat ships to avoid theft or mistakes. She has only spaceship skills because le pew le pew pew. And for a moment I found myself regretting that I couldn't just tool Sugar around on a new adventure because she wasn't skilled properly.

The weight of habit is fascinating. The drag of time. I worked so hard to accumulate things in the game and now they swirl around my feet and bog down my thoughts. I keep feeling as if I must do something that involves them because they are there. Then I remember that I don't have to! I can ignore my accumulated wealth until I figure out what I want to do with it. Or not or fall back into the void of space.. or just continue to give people outdated advice.