December has just been a nasty month of work and I made it even worse by plugging in log skills in Eve. While I often preach the positives of the skill queue I also need to fess up to the negatives. Sometimes, long skills just suck. Sometimes skills just suck. That is how I felt when I managed to not only screw up being ready for a fleet on time but also not able to fit the fit because skills. Rigging skills this time. Something manages to kick me in the face just when I think, "Hey, I'm not doing so bad." The solution was an implant. Only, I've always avoided implants and fitting mods (for the most part) and needing to use it was strange. I won't discuss how much ISK I tossed in the fire in frustration trying rigs because I suck at the out of game fitting problems and was rushing because I was late for the fleet.
I'm proud of finishing Tactical logistics Reconfiguration up there. It is a great skill. I turned around and plugged in Gallente Carrier V behind it knowing full well that someone will say, "you should just fly an Archon and not waste your time. We don't drop triage in Thannys." Plus, I'm only halfway through Jump Freighter V (36 days left) and I just want to lay down on the floor and have a bit of a tantrum tonight.
Most of that is just frustration and embarrassment from not being able to fit the T2 rigs on my ship. I'm that kind of person. I want to be a quiet, productive member of a fleet. The moment I need help I start feeling bad and I always need help with fits. Now, the boys are good and tend to put up fits for prescheduled fleets. Normally I put it together hours and hours and haul for people. I didn't today, because I had other things to do and I have a case of the blahs in general.
I finally got to Zealot. I felt terrible. I don't blame the Zealot I blame my poor preparation and last minute wiggling and frustration. I don't like ship fitting. I often feel a bit ashamed that it does not drive me to joy. I see people posting fits and long discussions about them. I like the complexity of the ship fits. I may just be lazy with so many wonderful people with fantastic fitting abilities. But, I've never been into fits. I had no idea that Diablo has equipment sets people slave over. I often picked things by them complimenting what I wanted to do vs being the 'best' thing.
Having skill points and the ability to fly things and having the ability to flow them are oh so not the same thing. As Chella chews through her Capital Ship training plan I don't feel nearly ready to even think about dropping a capital ship. It is not the probable loss it is the responsibility when we're putting that type of asset on the field. But, I'm going to have to make the jump sometime. I'm glad that we've started doing training sessions on the test server (even if I missed the last one because of work). Did I mention that I have an alt almost ready to plop her butt into a Dreadnought? I have no idea how that is going to go. I figure, I will train for it and go from there. That is similar to how I go about most of the game with all honesty.
I'm in this odd place where I have skills that I need and skills that I need to get and things that I can do that I do not know how to do yet. Everyone enjoys Ishtars for instance. Yet... how do I fly them? I've never handled sentries. I need to use a stationary weapon while kiting with my ship. Okay... I have no idea what to do. Blargle?
New things are good, even when they are frustrating. Fleets are good, even when I'm in an advanced state of high maintenance stress. I liked the Omen more then the Zealot but that is because the Omen is fast and agile and I have a thing for that. I just feel that I do not appreciate the ships as I should. I was so excited to Zealot because in my mind anything amazing over frigate size is like flying a Large Jaguar which is quickly becoming a staple
And sure, one day I'll have a lot of skill points. I can sit and smirk and chuckle when 40 million SP newbies whine about bargling Zealots and how to Ishtar and how they can't fit things. I'll be able to say, "blah million SP club checking in" with a knowing smile. However, today, I am stuck on this side of time and whining about it :P