Skip to main content

Hi!

Hi there!

I still haven't figured out what I am doing or want to do or will do or if I should do, but I wanted to say thank you to those who have said hi or sent me a compliment. I appreciate it and I'm not sure that I have shown that appreciation enough in the past.

I'm not a commentor. I read a lot of things but it took me a long time to start to make comments. Often, they are only a few lines. I do it because I realized that I wanted more feedback. I wanted to engage my readers in what they read and why they read it. I just never figured how to do it without looking like I was greedy for attention. I wasn't. I was greedy for feedback. Some of what I do is a reaction from readers. Most of what I do is whatever comes into my head.

Such as the fact that I have a Fenrir BPO researched to 7%. I have no idea where I got that from. Did I kill someone for it? I also missed the Gecko bubble. My Leopards are ridiculously valuable for a ship I love using and I have pirate frigates on another account.

There was a period where I wanted to collect things in Eve. I've always waffled between practicality and being comfortable with losing what I fly, and wanting nice things I don't want to lose. That is what led to my toy box and why I have pants worth almost 200 mil when timed properly. The sale history is kinda fascinatingly all over the place.


Being in Jita also reminds me that I must love large text files, but I have never really blocked people in Jita. I just ignore local most of the time. If anything, abusive Eve players helped me to learn how to filter text. I have never learned how to ignore the terrible things said but I'm better at not reading it in the first place. I rarely react to them. It may be what startles people when I speak up about some things. When one deals with bullies in life, reaction is often feeding them. Or, I may just be that calm natured. I doubt it, there is a lot of fire under here. Unconfident fire, but fire none the less.

For those that are reading my slog through the CSM, thank you for riding my emotional journey. The memoirs I write are not about finger pointing and drama. Its about a girl, that happens to be me, that tried something without knowing what that thing was but with clear ideas about what they wanted it to be. I know that I write emotionally. It is how I am as a person. I feel things and that is how I define the world around me. It may be different for others, but my emotional reaction is part of my life.

In this blog, over the last six years, I've shared how I felt about things. I've shared confusion. I've admitted to not getting things that everyone just seemed to know. I wrote about the buy orders that went wrong and not being confident in the things I do. Some of that is because there are other people out there that are not all 'rawr!' about the world. It may make some look at me with distaste, but they'd probably not like me anyway.

Still, I wonder sometimes if writing about how terrible something felt makes people think that my entire life is a whirlpool of anxiety. The answer is it isn't. Oh, I'm anxious about stuff. I'm not a confident person. But being anxious and not being confident haven't stopped me from doing things. I just admit that they are there and often obnoxious hurdles that I sometimes stumble on when trying to climb over. I'd love to say that I leap them, but most of the time I kind of drag myself up and fall over the other side face first.

I'd love to face life with confidence. It'd be wonderful to think that I was so amazing and capable that nothing would stop me. Instead, my world is full of obstacles and my skill set is about surmounting them. I wish I could spell, but I'm never going to be able to have the phonetic recognition to create flawless works. Instead, I learn my weak points and try to double check them to reduce my errors and the inevitable corrections that come with making errors from those who see where I am blind. I'm not color blind, but it is the best analogy that I've been able to come up with the explain to people what it is like to be dyslexic in the way that I am.

Maybe I should have shared more. I'm closing on a second house on Wednesday. My husband and I are venturing into our first investment property. We've also been together for 15 years come January. I'll celebrate my 12th year at my job and over the last two years I've received a few awards for being a good girl. My car and school loan are paid off. My credit scores over 800 and in general, I'm rather pleased at how I've managed my life. Also, trip to England next month!

Intuition also is two years old today.


Maybe I should have just written myself in as the majestic, suave, savior of all of Eve. Always the things we think of too late.

Comments

  1. My heartfelt congratulations on paid off loans! That is a great feeling is it not?
    Good luck on the investment property! (The paperwork involved alone would kill me lol I hate paperwork with a passion)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Suave may not be your specialty and I don't suspect EVE will ever spawn a savior but you're plenty majestic Sugar Kyle. My EVE's better when you are in it - even at a distance.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sugar’s Non-Technical Guide to Making Boosters

Welcome to my non-technical and outdated but probably still useful guide to boosters.  There have been changes to how things are built in Eve. This was the old POS code before the introduction of new structures in 2016.   This is just a walk through on my wobbling path of booster production.  It took me half a dozen different documents to figure out what I needed to do to make these mythical things.  It is what I do.  It may not be perfect but it works.

This is pirate focused industry.
This guide brought to you by Lain asking me to write it after I tried to explain it in chat.

Why make boosters? Because drugs are good.  Really they are performance enhancers and performance enhancers can give someone that extra edge in PvP.  It was also because my boys used them and when they ran low they often ran out, I could be their supplier.  They would no longer hoard their drugs due to the length of time it takes to get fresh product.. The thought of being a drug kingpin was also very appealing. …

Have you done your Eve Vegas Survey?

I did attend Eve Vegas to the shock of many. I'd already paid for it and allotted the time. It seemed that I should go.


I went to the Grand Canyon and Hoover as well. This is not the space to discuss those amazing places or my new Camera.

Eve Vegas was a bit harder for me to go to then I expected. I've detached from Eve for the most part these past months. It is very easy to be angry, frustrated, and bitter about the past that I lived on. The game, its development, and the players move on while I find myself emotionally stuck. That emotional stickiness does not need to be given to everyone else. Part of experiencing it was shielding people from it. But, as I accepted my items and stared down the poor gentleman that tried to put a wristband around my wrist, I realized that I wasn't in as good of a place as I had hoped to be.

That is where the Survey comes in. There are a few things that I could say and did say. A few of the questions made me want to say a bit more.

One was …

Your ideal roadmap

To try to be a bit more interesting then blogging yet another daily list of summit meetings, how about a question?

In the producer session, as we try to figure out how to fix and improve our communication with teams and how we figure out who should be gone to for features and changes, we discussed the road map.

We discussed what 'our' ideal roadmap would be. This breaks down into the individual roadmaps for each member of the CSM. After all, we are individiuals and we have different dreams for Eve. We have different goals and features that we want to move forward or go back to.

How close are we to what CCP is looking at and planning? We discussed their safety mesures to weigh the value of features. What will this feature do for Eve? It is not enough to have an ideal road map of things you want. Those things have to have value and that value needs to be enough to dedicate the time to the feature.

Do you have an ideal roadmap? A path for Eve to head in the next year or two once …