Skip to main content

Silence

It is quite unfortunate that I came out of the CSM a bit of a mess. That was never the goal. I had planned, way back, to brush my shoulders off and step back into my game life. The entire missing game life thing didn't really factor in. I still find that I'm at a loss with things having changes so much.

It is all rather dull. Life goes on. The world continues to spin about. Wars and ISK and words fly about in all directions. I'm stuck on the invisible edge of a collidable structure. Bouncing around, trying to free myself and go about with my day.

There are habits to unlearn. I have to stop answering questions on twitter. I get dragged into arguments and fights I don't want to fight anymore. It always starts with such innocence. "Oh, I know that answer. Let me be helpful." Then twenty tweets later I'm sighing as arguments rage around me.

It is quite tiring. I do not thrive off of argument. I realize I don't care about being right and having the loudest opinion. It is all exhausting stuff.

Still! Fallout 4 is quite good. I've been chewing away at it here and there. The puppy is exhausting. The last few weeks have been a trial. We're transitioning from baby puppy to young asshole dog. It is not always a smooth transition. I do miss sleeping in. Sadly, he has decided that he needs to eat things that will kill him and promptly attempted to get blocked with a large portion of his bed. This delightful new habit has delayed the chances of him doing things like sleeping on my bed. My bed is full of lovely fabrics that can be eaten in large, intestine blocking chunks. I do admit, this phase will be nice when its past.

And my husband has almost finished the build on my new machine.

As for figuring out Eve?

I am going to Eve Vegas. I got my ticket when they went on sale.

I expect the blog to not have much to say for a while.  I decided to do what works best and write it out. All the things I never said. The things that happened. The good and the bad. It helps quite a bit. Sometimes, to often in truth, it is very hard. I hope, with it, I can purge it from my mind and start to heal. The side effect will be a detailed recollection of the term.

Maybe people will want to read it. Maybe not. It is nice to get it out. Holding it in, being mature, not saying things for the fact that the release was not worth the damage became a surprising burden. There were many surprising things along the way. People, even when they are doing their best to harm you for having the gall to try to help them, are fascinating.

I hope to have something interesting to say again. I'm giving myself a break from trying for now. If I write I write. If I do not, that is okay as well. I'm still here but I think I am going to continue to indulge in still quiet for a time.

One thing the CSM did do is make me very interested in studies about introversion. Can trying to force yourself into things just make it worse? I never became comfortable with the public eye. I did not grow to enjoy it. I feel now like I feel when I've had to many social obligations in to short a time.

Tired.

We shall see! With time this empty, withered husk that once contained my energy and passion should heal.

Comments

  1. "I am going to Eve Vegas. I got my ticket when they went on sale."

    Yaah! I bought my ticket just the other day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Take time Sugar, all the time you need.

    ReplyDelete
  3. If you need to write it then I believe it will be worth reading - whenever that time may be.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I look forward to a quiet dinner with you and talking about dogs and art!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Take however much time you need, if anyone earned it you did.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Arguments are more often than not, draining.

    Give yourself the respite you deserve.

    Hope you're alright.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Taboo Questions

Let us talk contentious things. What about high sec? When will CCP pay attention to high sec and those that cannot spend their time in dangerous space?  This is somewhat how the day started, sparked by a question from an anonymous poster. Speaking about high sec, in general, is one of the hardest things to do. The amount of emotion wrapped around the topic is staggering. There are people who want to stay in high sec and nothing will make them leave. There are people who want no one to stay in high sec and wish to cripple everything about it. There are people in between, but the two extremes are large and emotional in discussion. My belief is simple. If a player wishes to live in high sec, I do not believe that anything will make them leave that is not their own curiosity. I do not believe that we can beat people out of high sec or destroy it until they go to other areas of space. Sometimes, I think we forget that every player has the option to not log back in. We want them to log

Conflicted

Halycon said it quite well in a comment he left about the skill point trading proposal for skill point changes. He is conflicted in many different ways. So am I. Somedays, I don't want to be open minded. I do not want to see other points of view. I want to not like things and not feel good about them and it be okay. That is something that is denied me for now. I've stated my opinion about the first round of proposals to trade skills. I don't like them. That isn't good enough. I have to answer why. Others do not like it as well. I cannot escape over to their side and be unhappy with them. I am dragged away and challenged about my distaste.  Some of the people I like most think the change is good. Other's think it has little meaning. They want to know why I don't like it. When this was proposed at the CSM summit, I swiveled my chair and asked if they realized that they were undoing the basic structure that characters and game progression worked under. They said th

CSMX - Post #20

Summer is here and CCP is very much out of the office. Sion made a good point in wondering why everyone leaves Iceland when it has its best weather. What it means is that all is mostly quiet on the dev blog front. There are some things happening but the dev blogs and news announcements have not yet happened. The skill points were delivered on Tuesday  so yay for unallocated skill points. Over in CSM chat, there has been a lot of back and forth about sov and measuring the impact and success of things so far. I can say that CCP and the CSM are watching it. The pros and cons are coming in pretty hot and heavy. Some are being looked at now. Some have to see how things are going and if and how the direction needs to be tweaked. In my corner, I'm starting to gather things together. The summit is in seven or so weeks. In between then and now I need to gather up my question list and write down a few topics of discussion. I'm starting now because I have personal vacation at the end