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Personal Days

Hey there,

I've had a crazy week. Last Friday my hot water heater died. It made for a long, cold weekend until it was fixed. At the same time, one of my dogs started acting ill. I got her into the vet on Thursday and spent a lot of money running a lot of tests.

I also posted a picture of her at the end of testing day on twitter. Her entire chest and belly are shaved from ultrasounds so she got her jacket to keep warm and a place on the heated blanket on my mother's bed.

I discussed Nyx's name a few months ago. I post pictures of her pretty regularly.

She is an eight year old Doberman Pincher and I named her before I knew anything about Eve. She is named after the goddess Nyx. She is also named after my German Shepherd, Nox. Nox's name was the roman translation of Nyx. Naming Nyx after Nox appealed to me because she would grow to fill his shoes.

There is a lot about me I've never shared with Eve. Nothing weird or nefarious. My closet is skeleton free. However, my passion for dogs is not something I've often discussed. I've spent most of my adult life working with dogs. They are my hobby. From conformation shows to working dogs, its always been one of my major passions.

Dogs are dogs. It makes working with them easy to remember. No matter how good they are. No matter how good they have been. You always have to remember that they are dogs. They are not people and while I may call my dogs my babies and refer to us as Mommy and Daddy, I don't think my dogs are human. They don't replace children. They are dogs and I appreciate them for being dogs.

The side effect of dogs being dogs is that they are dogs and not people. And that's what brings me to write today.

Nyx is dying.

I am looking at the fact that I will probably be putting her down next week unless heaven opens up and vomits out a miracle. She is only eight and that makes a hard thing harder. In my mind, I had placed Sage my eleven year old Afghan Hound as the next pet I would have to deal with losing. She's tied with Qwinn my cat that turns 15 in March. In my own way I had started to process and accept their age and what that brings with it.

But, not for Nyx. No. Nyx is eight years old and vibrantly full of life. Or, she was until two days ago. When I got her into the vet and then the specialists for changes in eating and drinking and discovered she is in liver failure after eight years of perfect health.

I don't write this for pity. That may sound bitter but please know that it is not. When you take a pet into your home you also take the end of that pets life into yours. I have always asked myself if it will be worth it to deal with the pain when I have lose them. The answer to that is yes. That does not stop it from being is a terrible thing. There is a lot of guilt involved each time. I always wonder if maybe I was a better owner bad things wouldn't happen. I know better. I worked for years as a vet tech soothing people who where in my place. But its easier to hold someone lose through their pain then experience it myself and know that someone that has existed in my life for almost a decade will be gone. I wonder if I had more money would I be able to throw it at endless diagnostic work in the slim chance that something could be done. It is a lot to think about and none of it is fun.

I do write this to work through my own thoughts some. It may not be fair to share such personal anguish with others. Many of us have lost a pet or will lose a pet. It is not the type of memory that one wants to have.

This is probably not going to be a very good few days for me. I'm not going to try to wrap my head around the patch notes and weekly updates. I don't think I have the emotional energy to listen to the problems of others at the moment. I have some hard decisions to make and I keep hoping that maybe it will all go away and work out fine. Maybe. The chances of that are unfortunately low and I am struggling with accepting that right now.

I won't be thinking much about Eve until this is resolved. I felt it was only polite to let people know why I was suddenly inactive. Right now though, I can't think of anything else but the next few days. The world does not stop because we have personal loses. You still get up. Go to work. Pet the dogs. Pick up the cats. I'll probably mindlessly do things and pet the dog while we see what options are available and how she handles each day.

Reach the patch notes. A few changes are coming in.

And... I'll talk to you all in a few days we will see what happens.


  1. My sympathies lie with you Sugar. Grief takes as long as it takes.


  2. also sorry to hear about your pets health. Despite what we try to do or think they do become close to us, and part of our family. It hurts as much when we loose one as it does a blood relative. I have lost 2 border collies to cancer now, (sisters) one at not quite 5 :( and the other was 11 (she had a great life). It broke my heard to put them both down, and when I lost the second one, I couldn't even talk :(

  3. Sorry to hear that. My family lost our dog last year in a similar set of events - he was doing just fine, right up until he wasn't. The cat a few months before was the same. Apparently that's fairly common - all of a sudden a kidney or liver or something will just crap out, and that's it.

    Shit sucks. Take your time. RL > Eve, always. Reps standing by if you need them. o7 Nyx.

  4. Sugar, i absolutely sympathize. We lost on 10 year old to liver failure a month ago. very sad. My condolences.

  5. Oh Sugar :~:

    Nothing I can say will make a difference, but I wish you long, happy memories of the good times. I'm so sorry.

  6. Somehow its always worse when they go before their time.

    My sympathies.

  7. It seems inadequate, but good luck to Nyx and yourself.

  8. Stay strong my friend. I don't know you but my thoughts are with you.

  9. Oh Sugar, no words can really help but as a fellow dog person whose animals are part of the family, I know your pain and have been in your shoes so many times. Love her while she's with you. We of course all hope she'll rally but if she doesn't, take comfort in knowing you can give her the kindest gift should circumstances come to that hard decision. <3

  10. My heart goes out to you. I have had many wonderful friends in this life, few as selflessly devoted and loving as our pets. And yes, we accept that we will outlive them... but it does not lessen the pain. Only time can do that...

    They know when they are loved... you give them that. And when you can, focus on the joy they gave and shared with you... that is the lasting gift.

  11. I'm so sorry.

    She has had a loving family and a good life, the best you can give a dog. The happiness she has brought to your life will always be a part of you.

    Don't worry about EvE. You and your family come first, EvE will still be here, take the time you need.

    Artuc Archaise

  12. Over the years, my family has owned many pets, but specially cats. Unfortunately we've had our share of painful losses, due to sudden diseases and in only one case, old age (a cat at 18). Some died slowly, others in a traumatizing instant.... I will never get rid of the memories of trying to auscultate a 4 years old male when he collapsed suddenly and just stopped living. :(

    You said that you've seen situations like these from the other side of the fence, as veterinarians struggle with limited knowledge, resources and owner finances.

    I don't know if you already do or know or what's the case... but I will share the advice we were given when we had to put down a cat for the first time: mourn her for as long as needed, and then give a good home to a homeless kitten (or in your case, a puppy). That's the way to pay back all what they give us in their unfortunately shorter lifes.

  13. Dear Sugar,

    My deepest sympathies. Over the years we gain wisdom and experiences that make us better people than we started out as. I can only say that some of my best life lessons have been handed out to me by the fur babies that have graced my life. Some of those lessons I did not learn or realize the lesson within until after that particular fur baby was gone (Smokey I'm thinking of you) but even with the sadness of losing them all I would never trade the opportunity to have them teach me those life lessons. Take the time you need to be sad and to greave properly but know to that at some point in the future, far or near, there will be another who will, if you let them, teach another valuable life lesson.


    PS I'm off to mend the fence for the 6th weekend in a row as my new 8 month old puppy seems to think exercise is better for me than EVE.


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