It turns out that I do not know how to count. In my mind, the 14th of September is two weeks from the start of September. That meant I had two weeks to finish prepping for the summit. In reality, the 14th of September is two weeks from the first, but the 12th is the day that I fly out and today is the 4th. That means not 10 days to prepare but eight. IE, a week.
That means trying to put my playing back on track is on hold until later in the month.
It makes me examine what playing Eve without playing Eve is like. For the last year, if you look at publicly available things about me, my activity has dropped. I stopped PvPing at the start of the year. I am currently in a NPC corporation. My blogging has slowed down. I don't chat as much in Eve Uni Public Help or Rookie Chat. Many of my projects are on hiatus. I look inactive.
But, I'm not. If anything I am busier then ever. I'm running out of time to do all of the things with the game that I'd like to do. Undocking comes a far, far last place when it comes to effective use of my time. It is somewhat strange because my 'inactivity' is so often pointed out to me and commented upon. How can I even represent people if I am not playing.
But what is playing? I've associated it with spending time in game. If I take the time to spend hours discussing and sharing the market with people, is that playing? When I am in chatrooms talking, on blogs reading, and knee deep in confluence interacting with CCP is not that playing Eve?
Last year I took some blows to my moral when it came to activity. It seemed that my world was getting busier and busier and I was moving faster and faster but people were complaining more and more that I didn't do anything. I associated my lack of time in space with my judgeable activity. I started to feel bad about my lack of activity and participation and eventually that grew into guilt and embarrassment. The problem was that I couldn't find any more time to become more active. That sent me into a little unhappy circle where I finally cut ties to everything and found a corner to sit in where I no longer had anyone invested in my in space time to tell me about my inactivity.
But, I never felt inactive. I figured that I was because I kept being told that I was. I do not have stories to share from flying around. That I do miss. However, now will not be forever. And now I no longer have to answer to anyone about my activity levels. Some things works out in unexpected ways and sometimes you discover things were bothering you that you didn't realize.
The funny thing is that I do not think many would disagree with me (someone always will) when I say that playing Eve does not have to exist purely inside of the game client. The entire community and virtual world that has been created - even when at its most vicious and unpleasant lows - is great enough to exist beyond its physical representation. This is where I get all sparkly and discuss the spiritual.
Instead, I offered to make someone a loan. Their needs fit into my idle liquid ISK budget. They offered collateral. Plus, I think that type of thing is cool. Eve used to have in game loans a long time ago. It fascinated me when I started reading about the game and I spent ages trying to discover how you made or got one before I came to understand that they had been removed.
This loan things pleases me. It is one of the things about Eve that I find so cool. It is also the kind of activity that keeps the game going.