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Day 5: Retrospects and Musings

I slept in. It did not feel like sleeping in because I was up until 0530. But, I crawled out of bed by 1300 when Corbexx buzzed me to find out if I was dead. We tried to find Sion but he ignored our calls and knocks so the two of us went to get soup on our own.

Iceland is an interesting place. There is familiarity here, this is my 5th time visiting and the 4th time in a year. Yet, it is still very different. The general mood about the summit is that it went very well. There was apprehension at the start but we were productive. Yet, we have to bring that productivity with us past the summit. Talking to the developers and the producers often causes so much understanding. Somehow we have to keep that going, constantly. We can't be there every day and I cannot but feel that we can do better with keeping that free flowing movement alive.

The CSM thing is often full of frustrations. I've put my phone down a few times and sighed. I feel like I need to solve everything but I know that I cannot. Yet, the urge is there and creates a lot of frustration. I don't know if my attempts to explain and share have failed. I don't know if the well is to deep for me to fill. I don't feel that I know very much these days.


The town is very colorful. I approve of the art. A painted wall seems to decrease the desire of the graffiti artists to tag it.


 It leads to construction barriers being very pretty.


And there is a mix of old and new architecture

They started digging out a parking lot to build a hotel and found an ancient wall instead. Now, construction has paused.


And random fresh water fountains are everywhere.


They also don't make huge barriers to stop people from doing silly things like falling in the harbor. I do like that.

We had our group dinner, minus Gorski who left early to go to Eve NT and Jayne who I dunno where he was. It was at Ban Thai. I felt Thai was a bit risky but I am also American so what do I know? The affair was a bit more casual then I expected so I felt over dressed in my fancy top with my makeup done. I also didn't wear the heels I dragged along because we walked and it was about a half an hour trot to get there.

Friday is a big night in the city. People were arriving for their night on the town. I meandered back to the hotel while others split off to meet up with the rest of CCP that was out on the town. I do wish that I was different and wanted to go and hang out. Yet, as the music started to play and the streets become crowded I just wanted to hole up in my room and escape. I find myself daydreaming as one might when young at being a bolder, braver, confident person that finds energy in the noise and crowd. After all, you're not supposed to admit that things upset and over whelm you, that the proper social choices are exhausting. I often say I'd love to be that better person, but I'm just me and that's something that I need to come to a better peace about.

Tomorrow I am home. I hope to be in before midnight. In January high winds delayed us for hours. I do miss my husband, my dogs, and my plants if not my job. I'd also like a decent burger and a salad.

I am leaving the summit with a stack of work. The day four minutes need to get finished. I also have a few projects that I will detail and they should help keep me busy over the next few months. I also have to do some updates to the FAQ and the list of 'things that need to be done' just keeps on going. So, for now, goodnight.

Comments

  1. Goodnight and good journey.

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  2. Everyone's journey is unique, but much of what you say about your social trials resonates with me. I expect you have used up most of your social reserves, so I hope you have a good trip home and get the chance to replenish it.

    Don't over think things with your work on the CSM. It is apparent to me that you love the game, take your role seriously, put in more work than would be reasonably expected, and try your best. If individuals tell you to do more - kindly suggest they get themselves elected to the next CSM and try to do better.

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  3. I've found I can leave mentally instead of outright going away. I carry a kindle around with me everywhere like a security blanket and my friends have become used to me turning it on and reading a chapter or two before rejoining the conversation. At first they found it rude, but after explaining why I did it they really don't pay any attention to it anymore.

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