I was reading the comment over on Tal's blog. I often do not agree with him and sometimes he makes me very angry. But, I value his perspective in Eve because he is intelligent and articulate and it is much, much to easy to get caught up in ones own perspective and opinion. Even if Tal and I will never see Eve eye to eye, knowing how he views Eve and what motivates him improves my understanding of the game and potential experiences inside of it.
But this isn't about Tal's post. It is about the comments and a discussion in which the idea that everyone has an agenda came up. This particular point of the topic caught my attention more so then the argument that they where having. Different opinions where clashing aginst the shore of personal belief. That is an ugly, violent thing. I found myself wanting to not have an agenda and I was treating an agenda like a bad word.
I slowed down and stared at it. I know what agenda means. But at some point I had attached an emotional meaning to it as well. Agenda had become a bad word in relationship to Eve. Something dark, manipulative, and goal oriented to make the situation come out with me on top. I shied away from the word because I found it to be negative.
But agenda is not an automatically negative word.
Agenda:That makes the negative aspect something that I picked up along the way in my desire to be open minded and often neutral. It also left me wondering what my agenda was. Am I trying to manipulate people? I don't think so. I do try to convince others to look at or even take up my world view. That left me uncomfortable. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it neutral? What do I want from them?
a list, plan, outline, or the like, of things to be done, matters to be acted or voted upon, etc.
People to do what makes them happy? To accept themselves even if other's don't accept what they want to do? I want people to not treat each other like shit. I want to be a good CSM that people can reach out to. I want to do things by example. I'm willing to share my mistakes and pains to help people not go through them themselves. I don't want to be anyone's boss. All of those things would qualify as an agenda.
Good? Bad? Neutral? Can I clearly assess that? It is still uncomfortable.