At Rob Kaichin's request I have created a condensed fact sheet about what we currently know about structures. This is not everything that will happen. My goal was to take the common questions that are answered in the dev blog and bring them out into the open with simple questions and trains of thought. This project took a bit to write up and get ready for the public. I've gotten it approved by CCP Nullarbor and CCP Yitterbium who worked with me on fact checking and cleaning up outdated information. I'm super pleased with it. It has had the side effect of opening up some new areas to discuss whole highlighting areas that we still have very little public knowledge of.
How do I feel about structures? I am excited about them. I am also worried because we have so many variables in play. The current vision has many good parts but I feel that there is still a lot of work to be done. The loot dropping, or I should say lack of loot dropping, bugs me a lot. I feel that wormholes take a much harder hit to this. I really, really like getting other peoples stuff. I've been out and about exploring players ideas of what looting means to them and if having a similar compensation in things like minerals and components will satisfy them or not. We (meaning Corbexx and I) are very concerned over the changes listed in these blogs to wormhole space and we are working on continued communication of those points. We want the unique environment of wormhole space to stay the unique environment that it is.
On Wednesday we attempted to have a jump fatigue talk that tried to accomplish to much. I believe that it went poorly and I address my mistakes, failures, anger, and unhappiness later in this post.
The soundboard is here. I use Mike's version which has the recording notice on it. I consider his version to be neutral ground. There are several other recordings up of various quality if you'd like to find them.
CCP Mimic wrote up a summary in the wake.
CCP Larrikin has posted the feedback thread for jump fatigue. In that he has some metrics that were asked for in the original thread and during the discussions. One is on black ops kills and losses. The other is a chunk of capital ship data. While the thread is large and violent it is being read.
Now, let me release my inner Kraken. I'm going to rage out for a moment.
Did I think I had a hand on things? Yes. Did that still make it a smooth experience? No. I was drowning in information and trying to parse it. I can write out the reasons for a few hours. I made mistakes and attempted to create a format that needs a lot more universal agreement of goals and behavior. Did I set this up to bait the developers into a position of being treated poorly? No. Did I want to get questions in front of them so that people could share how jump fatigue had impacted them for good bad bad? Yes. Did I steadily lose control of the session? Yes. I've received dozens of critiques now on what I did wrong and all of the mistakes I have made.
I walked away from the effort of communication perhaps the most bitter that I have been since I started this CSM thing. I'm discouraged that vicious and hateful communication is praised and rewarded. I'm disappointed that my idealized vision of clear question and answer and discussion failed so spectacularly and did not have a chance to take off. I believed people would take the opportunity for what it could give them simply because that is what I would have done in the same situation. I very much want people to speak up. I've never asked anyone to lie or say they loved what they did not. I cannot speak for and support you if I don't know what you need and want.
I am so angry with myself for not stopping things when they got ugly. I let my very idealistic approach to the CSM make me hope that it would get better. I badly want to give people what they want. I want to build bridges of communication and access. I want players to be heard and CCP to take the time to listen. I actually don't like that I am idealistic but in this, I am. It leaves me shattered and doubting myself and what I am trying to create when I sit down each evening.
I was only focused on my disappointment with myself until people came to me and told me that what happened was okay and expected. I should have accepted that it would be bad. I cannot wrap my mind around this. The goal of my effort was for things to go well. Why else was I doing this? I was supposed to be consoled that there was an agenda to force the issue and create the environment and because it is larger than me and some groups play hard there was nothing I can do.
I don't accept any of it.
Being civilized does not mean kissing up and never entering negative topics. Honest does not mean being a jerk and abandoning any contaminating civility. It is not acceptable to treat people like crap. To excuse it as, "passion for the game" or "people really care" is enabling unacceptable behavior. It is not acceptable to behave that way and it should never be excused as "that's just how player's are." Or even worse, "They are gamers. We cannot expect more of them." I expect better of people. That is not how the player's that inspired me to give two years to promote their wants, hopes, and dreams behave. It is not how the people who have stepped forward to create all the good parts of the community are. I won't let this define everyone. It isn't an unfortunate side effect that we have to live with. Its unacceptable. Its disappointing. Its ripping apart your own things and complaining that they are broken.
I will never accept that is just how things are. naivety. Tilting at windmills. Windless causes. I'm fine with all of that.
So, what next? At that moment Thursday night as everything spiraled into a vortex of irreconcilable mess, I wanted to throw my hands up and swear that I'd never do it again. Unfortunately, that isn't an option. We will keep going. Corbexx and I have gotten the next soundboard together. This is another one on structures with CCP Nullarbor. It will be on August 18th, 2015 at 1700 GMT. If you wish to join in sign up. We're going to become very strict on attendance and keeping things civil and productive. If I had to suffer through these mistakes I am damn well going to learn from them and do better in the future.