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Ramblings: Sugar gets an eve-mail

I received an interesting eve-mail the other day. I had to respond back to the author to tell them that I didn't remember the incident and that I wanted to apologize. The thing is, they had mailed me to thank me. While, I appreciated that, I also felt very, very bad for what I had done.

You see, I convinced them to give something a try they didn't want to and they loved it. Right now, I oddly enough, feel somewhat bad for that.

I guess I can blame path I've taken in the game. I used to try to change peoples opinion of things with my energy. Yet, so much of my time has become saving peoples things. The balance between change and saving has become a terribly hard one to walk. There are so many people that do not want to lose what they love. There is so much change on the horizon. I feel as if I need to protect people from the things that others would impose on them. I want to save people from being forced out of what they so love.

That is why I apologized. Because, two years ago I would have told people to give things a try. I don't know if it is right or wrong. I, personally, believe in giving things a try. Yet, I know I'm as tightly bound in my likes and dislikes as others. I have tried to push myself but my failures of late have left me understanding that sometimes want isn't enough. There are things that we just cannot become.

Perhaps, that is why I have started to learn more towards preservation and acceptance. I've felt hurt, anger, shame, humiliation, for not being acceptable. I hate that I've done that to someone else even if it improved their game and they are happy for the conversation that we had when I suggested they try try it.

These days I work more towards acceptance of the differences of others. Maybe I've burned out on trying to get people to change. Heaven knows I've failed in that. Calm, quiet, supporting, has gotten me scorned and mocked and called useless. Maybe having to fight for others has made me more aggressive and harder. Not hard enough. I don't think that will ever happen. Instead, I've become more protective of the individual. I want people to see and adapt but not lose themselves.

Of course, sometimes we want to be lost. Or, we need it. Something kicks us in such a way that we have to change and in change is where we find the answer. Not everyone, but some. it is just figuring out that balance. I've simply come to loathe the regularly that seems to happen where someone is telling people how to behave and that they are wrong for what they want to do and what they are enjoy. At the same time, casting people into the void to figure it out isn't that productive.

But there doesn't have to be a void. Even as I wander  up and down my own conscious I'm reminded that not all help is perfect but its well worth trying. And while I may ponder the right or wrong of what I did I am utterly glad of the reminders of why it is so worth while to reach out to someone.

Right? Wrong? I'll keep at it.


  1. Acceptance... not much of that in EVE.

    CCP won't accept that their bread and butter are highsec carebears burning out fast and furious. That would go against their self image.

    Little to none will accept that other people enjoy the game in other ways. Some will not care of what others do. Some will struggle to shove change down the throats of others.

    EVE's game is about influence. what a palyer does has meaning because it affects other players. It is just natural to refuse accepting them and strive to drive them out of their niche ("for their own good", or our of saddism), or just push them out of the game altogether.

    Acceptance has no natural place in a PvP game, specially not in a PvP game made by and for wannabe alpha males. It is so embedded in EVE's ethos that not even a female EP could go agaisnt it, a rather she bought it wholesale and the next era of the game will be about influencing more than never before.

    Acceptance? That's not a word in the EVE dictionary.

    1. Eve's weird. Wonky even. Influence may be a currency, but I still think trust is the primary. At least on a day to day basis. Influence seems more like the high level product of all those little trust transactions. Anyway, that's a philosophical blah.

      There is acceptance, I think. Just the wrong things get headlines. Last year there was a thing that happened which made me so disgusted with the Eve community I almost quit. I won't name it, it'll hijack the thread. But, I stepped back, noticed it was really only a very small minority, and could move on.

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Sugar,

    If I may read a little underneath your post (and I know it frustrates you when I do this but, still, I remain incorrigible), it sounds to me like you’ve handed yourself the job of Morale Officer. All in all, not a bad choice. Not because you’re relentlessly upbeat (which eventually feels shallow anyway), nor because you’re old timey wise (I take great delight in occasionally realizing I’m a vaunted ‘Bitter Vet’ compared to you) but rather because you’re thoughtful and open. When you say something I’m inclined to believe you mean it. Authenticity is nothing to sneeze at. Authenticity makes a great foundation for a Morale Officer. So Sugar, if it’s something like Morale Officer that you’re after, just keep being you. There is no better alternative.

    As to maintaining morale itself, I’ve been thinking the last few months that “the balance between change and saving has become a terribly hard one to walk” is another ‘no better alternative’ situation. Using myself as example, my “Hi-Sec Ninja Looter/Murderer” style of game play was pretty much nerfed out of existence a couple/three years back and I suppose I could have raised my hands in surrendered despair and left the game but I didn’t. It’s a big game, there’s other things to do. Why not have a look/see at some of them? In hindsight moving on was the only rational choice. Look, if I’d had the option to continue old style Ninjaing nearly exclusively, I very probably would have eventually grown board and moved on. Sooooo . . . these days, a few years down the line, I’m pretty much in the same position I would have been sans game mechanic changes – doing something else. If you’re playing the long game (and it appears I am), all the chest beating, clothes rending, “You’re destroying my niche!” hyperbole starts to seem rather silly because, look, we probably wouldn’t be doing that exact thing in a couple of years anyway so why not embrace some change and harvest a little pleasure, eh?

  3. "
    You get blue
    Like everyone
    But me and Grandpa Joe
    You get blue
    Like everyone
    But me and Grandpa Joe
    Can make your troubles go away
    Blow away
    There they go
    Cheer up Charlie
    Give me a smile

    - Than


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