I received an interesting eve-mail the other day. I had to respond back to the author to tell them that I didn't remember the incident and that I wanted to apologize. The thing is, they had mailed me to thank me. While, I appreciated that, I also felt very, very bad for what I had done.
You see, I convinced them to give something a try they didn't want to and they loved it. Right now, I oddly enough, feel somewhat bad for that.
I guess I can blame path I've taken in the game. I used to try to change peoples opinion of things with my energy. Yet, so much of my time has become saving peoples things. The balance between change and saving has become a terribly hard one to walk. There are so many people that do not want to lose what they love. There is so much change on the horizon. I feel as if I need to protect people from the things that others would impose on them. I want to save people from being forced out of what they so love.
That is why I apologized. Because, two years ago I would have told people to give things a try. I don't know if it is right or wrong. I, personally, believe in giving things a try. Yet, I know I'm as tightly bound in my likes and dislikes as others. I have tried to push myself but my failures of late have left me understanding that sometimes want isn't enough. There are things that we just cannot become.
Perhaps, that is why I have started to learn more towards preservation and acceptance. I've felt hurt, anger, shame, humiliation, for not being acceptable. I hate that I've done that to someone else even if it improved their game and they are happy for the conversation that we had when I suggested they try try it.
These days I work more towards acceptance of the differences of others. Maybe I've burned out on trying to get people to change. Heaven knows I've failed in that. Calm, quiet, supporting, has gotten me scorned and mocked and called useless. Maybe having to fight for others has made me more aggressive and harder. Not hard enough. I don't think that will ever happen. Instead, I've become more protective of the individual. I want people to see and adapt but not lose themselves.
Of course, sometimes we want to be lost. Or, we need it. Something kicks us in such a way that we have to change and in change is where we find the answer. Not everyone, but some. it is just figuring out that balance. I've simply come to loathe the regularly that seems to happen where someone is telling people how to behave and that they are wrong for what they want to do and what they are enjoy. At the same time, casting people into the void to figure it out isn't that productive.
But there doesn't have to be a void. Even as I wander up and down my own conscious I'm reminded that not all help is perfect but its well worth trying. And while I may ponder the right or wrong of what I did I am utterly glad of the reminders of why it is so worth while to reach out to someone.
Right? Wrong? I'll keep at it.