I may have to reassess my understanding of things. I doubt that I will but the thought is great enough to consider. I wonder how small my soapbox is at times. Perhaps it is only as wide as my feet and it is my perception that makes it feel bigger.
Every time I enter into a conversation that moves into the direction of min/maxing I become exhausting. I do the things that I find interesting in the game. I do not do the things that I do not find interesting in the game. In this simple formula, I have found a reasonable measure of successful endeavors and forward momentum.
I'm not the best Eve player. I often take on situations with very little broad thought about what I am doing. It just seems to be a good idea. It may be fun. It is why I am a poor business person. I'll throw away my profits. I don't consider the value of the time I spent doing things. I, in fact, play most of the game just for the fun of playing it.
ISK per hour is one of my most hated terms in the game. Min/maxing is now a close second. And it may be that I am playing Eve wrong. It may be that I sit here and argue a thing that only I believe in and concepts that only make sense to me. I may have created an entire conceptual idea of playing not for exact games and strict numbers but for amusement, socialization, and the simple joy of liking something.
In my understanding, it seems a strange thing ton have to explain why someone would do something that they like. Why they would do something that was not the exact and balanced exact gain. I've never blitzed a mission or site. In fact, I find the ghost sites that explode frustrating because it is all race in, maybe get something, and then it explodes around you. To me that tastes of failure. To others, it seems to be exciting.
But feelings are much harder to pin down and support then hard mechanics. I only play because I enjoy it. I don't do things that I do not enjoy no matter how technically good they are. I don't think that I am alone in this. Yet, when knee deep and feeling alone, I have to accept that maybe it is not as common a thing as I feel that it is.
I've never been much of a gamer for as much as I play and enjoy games. I don't worry about finishing, I just like playing. I don't care about ranks. Rewards have no appeal. Achievements interrupt my immersion on my play. It's why I tell my story of the first time I started Skyrim and that it was many levels and months later before I found out why I couldn't use dragon powers. I had simply never done the second part of one of the first missions because I ran off into the woods and never came back.
It is the guy who yelled at me and told me that Diablo is not about the story. It is about grinding for the best gear. Diablo was about the story for me. I may be one of a handful of Diablo players that waited for years to see where the story was going to go and delighted in the adventure to find it. The auction house, its closure, the rebalancing, the discussions of nightmare mode... all of those things were vague buzzing far away.
Under all of this is the idea that how we play games has a lot to do with our perception. What games someone plays can clearly display this. I've recently gotten deep into games that do not have endings. Survival games appeal to me but strategey games also do. I have no interest in first person shooters unless they are also a survival game. I play 7 Days To Die for instance which has a first person view but like Minecraft and Skyrim I don't see it as a first person shooter.
It seems that I cannot help but bring this taint with me into Eve. I want to play Eve to play it. If I make 5 million instead of 7 million, I don't much care. If I have to break to far out of the game environment to do things I lose interest in them. I'll never be a metagamer. I'll never be a min/maxer. My dream of being a trillionare will also probably never happen but I'll keep plucking away at it. Just because I enjoy playing. Goals create paths and I guess I like the walk more than the arrival.