I once thought I wanted to be a part of it. It feels clever. It demands intelligence. It takes cunning. I think spying is very glamorous from the outside.
But then there is the inside.
I'd be a crappy spy. I'm prone to honesty. I also don't have the competitive nature to desire to 'beat' others nor do I have the personality where people are enemies that I want to see fall. I discovered that I didn't care. If someone wanted my downfall that badly they are welcome to it. It seems odd to me but I can gather that I might make someone that mad.
The problem with playing with others is that I can't just do what I want to do. That is normally write about whatever happens to me or what I see around me. I've always taken the stance that I'd not write about other's except in vague terms unless I have permission. It lets me discuss things but not call out people. That disintegrates when it come to my corporation.
I have a lot of respect for Snuff Box. It's a big corporation that has turned into an alliance. It does a lot of things. Yet, the larger its grown and the more things that it does the less I can speak about it. It is one of those things that I never thought about until it happened. I thought I'd stay in Molden forever, after all or if not I'd be alone. Yet, there is a responsibility to being in a corporation. I am a no-name line member but even line-member's can screw things up by not thinking about what they say.
Then there is the CSM. I don't get to talk about that except in vague terms as well. The two combined, of late, have left me doing things involving Eve but not having anything that I can discuss about what I do. It's unpleasant. I'd not realized how much I enjoy going over my Eve day until I could no longer do so. It is no ones fault. I simply picked up trusts along the way and I can't violate them.
But, one bloggers woes, the entire game does not make. The spy culture in Eve has created much of the history of the game. Like many things, just because it is not for me does not make it a bad thing. It tends to make complete stories once it is done. Stories that fascinate and amaze. Yet, I do wonder what is hurt from these things. Trust is so fragile and we spin it even thinner in this game. But something will always be gained and always be lost no matter what the choices are. That is the nature of choice after all. If Eve was a different game where these things did not exist that would be a loss while innate trust is a gain. And the darker aspects of Eve have their own appeal to both actor and viewer.
But for me? Well, Eve is a big game with plenty to do. This is probably a good time to explore what can be done with limited free time and catch up on things I need to know on a more personal level. I've been admiring Kaeda's restart program. I also need to learn opportunities. So, I'll take the free spot on Chella's account and do a little research.