Every now and then one writes a blog about writing a blog. I often write these for milestones. I normally do a yearly notice as the blog ages. This is a primary Eve blog. I have another one that I drop occasional topics in but I spend most of that time putting energy into Eve.
But I hit a blog milestone that I've been sitting on for a bit while I addressed some personal doubts about something that is irrelevant.
Sometimes the topic of how to blog crops up. We have new members of the community while older ones die out. Some people find out in a few posts that it is not their own. I think the year point tends to be a big hump for some people. I'll often follow as they watch their metrics move around. I find it fascinating as it motivates them or demotivates them.
I started writing because at the time there were not many newbie blogs. There were plenty of Eve blogs with great stories but at the time I didn't want great stories. I wanted to know if other people felt as dumb and inept as I did when it came to figuring out simple things. I wanted to believe that I could learn the game if I tried and as I stuck to it, I started to write what I was doing and how things were going with me.
That set the foundations for my blog in my failures and successes. I was without a theme for the first six months. I just played Eve and wrote about Eve. And my interactions grew and my sphere of acquaintances slowly expanded I started to muse about the people and things that we did in the game because they fascinated me. That wasn't the type of thing that I could just sit down and have a chat with people about. I tended to out talk and over talk people as I chewed on topics and wrestled with concepts that seemed to fascinate me.
They all wound up here. Over time it has become a journal, a thought book, and a confessional. I've written about my joys and my sadness. My hurts and my heartbreaks. It was not written for people to read so much as it was written for people to read if they felt the way that I was feeling. Human. I felt very human in a blog sphere where everyone around me seemed awesome and flawless. I wondered if I would ever reach those heights because I seemed to be stuck in the tar of my mediocrity. And I wrote about it because I figured that I would catch the point where I became amazing and then other people would know that it was okay to be absolutely terrible.
I'm not sure that I ever made the amazing part happen. But sharing the good and the bad let's people know that they are not weird for not doing things perfectly when it seems that everyone else is amazing. And then I wanted to capture the every day. The people around me were incredible and there was a story there that fascinated me.
And so I wrote a blog. Something that is not a new adventure for me. It just happens to be one about Eve.
I watch my blog stats. Many people do. but I don't chase them. I've used them as information. For instance, PvP posts get the fewest hits and fiction writing is also low. I never let that stop me but instead used it as a way to measure what fascinated all of the people that I never heard from. And I didn't know if anyone else cared about them or why they would. I set up Google analytic to watch for keywords and traffic. I learned that the blog feeds don't reflect the readers. I also learned that googling yourself is one of the best ways to find out all the ugly things said about you as well and that is a habit I nipped in the bud before I became obsessed with myself.
And then I had something said to me that I have been unable to pull away from. I was told that it takes an egotistical person to write a blog. I don't think of myself as particularly egotistical but I may be. I did feel bad and I stopped tracking my blog stats or sharing them after that point. I worried about it a lot and I still often fret about it. Am I just an egotistical attention seeker? It eats at me, but I keep writing because I do enjoy the writing and I pushed away the worries of being good or bad, popular or unpopular, aside. I know I am not as popular as some. I could be more polarizing but at the end of the day my blog is a retreat. It is more of a garden. One anyone can walk through and look at but only I tend with occasional help.
I did avoid advertising. I was once asked to syndicate with Eve News 24. That was back around when TMC launched and I didn't want to be anywhere near the shit storm that the hate between those two sites. Its why I didn't list ether until I was asked to last year. I don't post to reddit and stick to posting to twitter when its relevant to something someone asked me. I'm not good with advertising. I feel embarrassed going to people and rubbing my blog int heir face. Plus, I'd developed that little nagging voice in my head telling me how egotistical I was. Mixed in with a poor responses the first times I was cross posted or linked places I avoided the attention. I hoped that if people wanted to visit they would but I'd not push it at them.
But I became embarrassed of blogging and I stopped talking about it to my corpmates and friends. I still wrote. I loved the writing of it. It satisfies me greatly to jot down my day. But I tried to keep it quiet in the background. I was ashamed to discuss what I wrote or that I was writing it. I didn't want to not write but I didn't want those around me to call me out for my egotistical habits. It is a personal demon that I carry around still. I can hear it in my ear as I write this post.
And now I have this milestone. I'm going to ignore the whispers for now and see what the fallout is.
My search keywords are the most interesting. People most often looked for my blog to read it. That makes me happy. Thank you for sharing my flower garden.
The milestone that shocked me when I realized it happened was this.
A million hits. I know many others have more but these hits... well these hits are mine.
My blog traffic has not increased a ton with the CSM. I was bouncing around 1,100 to 1,500 before the CSM.
This will be my 1,437th post. I guess its self serving to look at it all. But I do look.
Thank you for taking the time to visit with me. I'll keep the flowers growing.