Sunday, December 28, 2014

Rambling: Where I Examine Why I've Been Sad

Earlier this weekend I started to wonder if I am too optimistic. My Eve weekend started out poorly. I hit Friday morning bright eyed and cheerful to have a full weekend of gaming and puttering around. I had an Eve mail that depressed me and a conversation that exhausted me and a discussion that made me log out and go and wash the dogs and clean the house instead.


The Eve mail was depressing not because of what it was. It was a plea for help and I have attempted to help that person. They found my blog and they were comfortable enough with me to write to me for help. Their situation was one that deeply frustrates me. New to the game they've read my blog and others and dove face first into Eve only to experience nothing of the good that is talked about. In fact, in about two days they bumped into a lot of the shittier side of the game which, when mixed with being new, is a terrible fucking experience.

I know how good the game can be. I know how bad it can be as well. I wondered, do I misrepresent things? I try to write about the good and the bad but I do not try to dwell upon the negatives. I'd consume myself alive if I did. Negatives have more weight then positives. Sometimes, it is a struggle to dig through them all to find the non-negatives. I could dwell on the negatives of Eve but enough other people spend their time doing that.

But, as I sat there wondering if I'd led this person astray I debated recent weeks for myself. I wondered if I was lying to myself. I have been rather down myself. I had something very unpleasant happen a few weeks ago and I'm not getting over it well. Its left me examining everything as one is prone to do when in a funk. Yet, even as I wondered I reached out and touched some people. I directed this person to the help that I think that they need and invited them to my channel. On one hand I could see the negatives and on the other I was actively helping them to overcome those negatives.

Everyday is not perfect. It is one of the things that makes Eve interesting. It is also one of the things that makes it frustrating. But when its a non perfect time it is rather unpleasant. Yet, as I sat there, directing this new player to one of the Faction Warfare corporations that had reached out to me to take in new players I could indeed say that there are positives to the game. How I bring those positives to more people is a question.

I could lose my mind and jump off the bitterness cliff. I've felt its pull heavily in the last few weeks. But that is more a result of sadness then actual bitterness. And the solution to bitterness has always been to confront it and kick it in the teeth. I've been moping around for a few weeks now and I need to move past that.

So! When I received a different mail from another new player who wanted to say hi and ask me a question I smiled. They've been playing a month and have settled into the game. So, I took some time to work on that and start crawling out of my little depressed hole that I have sunk into. It is pretty dark and sad in there and sitting and waiting for it to stop upsetting me isn't working so I'll have to take another path.

I find that I have multiple views of Eve. I have my general, grater game concept. I have the one that I see and know and love which involves the CSM. And I have my own personal game where all the ups and downs and back and forth of playing happen. The three are interconnected but very different. I can be very, very depressed about my game of Eve without being upset about the game in general or unhappy doing CSM stuff. I can be very run down with CSM stuff without having my enthusiasm for my game play dulled.

I'm thankful to both of the Eve mails that I received. Unintentionally, they kicked me out of a place I've been sitting in for weeks now. I think that I will write up that next. Finish out the new year in a way. I rarely do reflective or future posts for the new year but I think I'll break that tradition this time so that I can move on.

5 comments:

  1. Hi Sugar,

    Human nature being what it is means you cannot protect all of the people from all of the people all of the time. There is little point in (if you'd pardon the pun), sugar coating it.

    Not your fault. Very definitely not your fault, though I can understand why you have been feeling the way you have. You love this game, and hope to show the better sides of it so others will as well.

    Unfortunately we will lose some people. Not all can be saved, not the least from themselves (or perhaps in this case, the expectations set by other games?). We can break our hearts trying. This is as true in RL as it is in game.

    One of my corpmates and I were talking about you not so long ago, and we both agreed we were very happy that we voted for you. Keep up the good (great) work.... just don't forget to look after yourself as well :)

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  2. People should generally expect more of the bad than the good. Most people will tend to find the bad parts of the game well before the good parts, because the good parts require you to be experienced to find them. This is a fundamental problem with EVE. As new players tend to quit and old players tend to get more bitter, the playerbase is evolving into being a less friendly place. Coupled with the aversion to anything remotely resembling a nerf to the HTFU mentality, and there's probably no hope.

    People want to think of EVE as this though game with real choices and real consequences, so they try to prevent it having any level of safety or protection. What people don't realise is that EVE has fallen to much the other way. All of these complains about carebears, yet when you look at it, it's far easier and less risky to just be an ass and troll people out of the game, through ganking, scamming and war declarations. There needs to be a balance somewhere inbetween, where there's pros, cons and significant consequences for whatever choice you make.

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    Replies
    1. This is a fundamental problem with EVE. As new players tend to quit and old players tend to get more bitter, the playerbase is evolving into being a less friendly place. I cannot disagree more strongly. I am a 4 year vet, I fly with guys generally one or so years older than me ingame and we have a host of newbros flying with us now that we have picked up thru various venues...

      a few are RL/other game friends of one or another of us, one is a blog commenter turned friend, one (and possibly more) are RL coworkers of mine... but a few are players we met ingame... usually at the receiving end of our guns... who we then sat down and went over the what-went-wrong and the how-to-avoid-that agains... =]

      If anything, for me personally, the game and it playerbase (IMPE) has gotten better... Look at the turnout, focus and reception for the noobspike after the "This is EVE" trailer as compared to the reaction to the noobspike after the B-R battle... simply AMAZING!

      Yes, EVE is still a harsh and hard environment...
      Yes EVE is still a niche game (thank the gods)...
      and yea, no matter what we do we will still lose more noobs to griefers and scammers and Aholes than will find a happy place in this 'verse... that's the price we pay for the freedom the sandbox give us... always has been, always will be or we lose the sandbox and become just another themepark.

      Jeremy, I am sorry you feel the way you do... and EVE IS a tough game with real choices and real consequences... and, IMHO, we have not "...fallen too far the other way..." I feel CCP is still doing a fantastic job of riding the razors edge between too safe and too dangerous... but that's just my opinion...

      Keep in mind we saw 3 Procurer's on scan inna hole last night... decided to take em down... Yup, we set out to gank some miners inna hole... and the ships were not fit for defense... they were fit for attack... so when I popped a bubble from my Sabre, I found myself webbed, scrammed and dead to the miners drones... and they damn near got my pod too... so please don't talk to ME about how easy and less risky it is to be an ass... I tried and PAID! LOL

      Man I LOVE this game!!!!

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    2. I would like to disagree with you, Turamarth. Try this;

      http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=172561

      This is a dinosaur thread for one of the early major corp theft in Eve. just have a look through the comments. Generally a disapproval of the crime. Then consider what would be the reaction today in Eve's metagame. I would expect trolling, HFTU, go back to WoW and host of insults added to the mix. To me [quote] the playerbase is evolving into being a less friendly place [/quote] is defined by this comparison.

      Against this, I can balance the general support and recent efforts being made to support new players as a positive light on the community. I found the overwhelming stance by the players against the Bonus Room to be a redemption. So I still have hope for the future and have kept playing after five years.

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    3. Whether EVE players are meaner or kinder than in the past is purely anecdotal but looking at the changes that have been made to game mechanics in recent years, high-sec seems to be safer than ever (and hardly less profitable for it). In the near future we can expect the removal of AWOXing and further nerfs to wardecs.

      [i]" What people don't realise is that EVE has fallen to much the other way. All of these complains about carebears, yet when you look at it, it's far easier and less risky to just be an ass and troll people out of the game, through ganking, scamming and war declarations."[/i]

      Are you suggesting that it is easier to make ISK through these means than through PVE or that it is easier than in the past to profit from ganking, scamming and wardecs? Neither is true.

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