Kaeda commented yesterday:
"Because nobody ridicules losses in Minecraft & Space Engineers. It doesn't have the ultra toxic culture of losses being a shameful thing that dishonours your space family and is a blemish that can never be forgotten about. Loss is one thing. Being made to feel terrible just because you lost something is far far worse."It was a simple and lovely comment for its truth. In Eve, we do teach people that losing things is bad.
"But, what about going and losing 50 frigates until you somehow learn by random osmosis?" you may ask. That is true and few people will berate someone for learning but they will still comment on their fits and what they may have died to. They will still go, "What was that?" but often with more curses and more insults to the persons intelligence and ability to fly spaceships.
We teach shame and it is a shame that we do. Loss becomes not just a challenge and something to get over but a bad and terrible thing that we want to avoid. And that happens because of shaming. It is extensive and it is constant. It is friendly and it is vicious. Cruise one of the killboards and see the endless snarky comments. See people apologize for losing things. It is a culture we have created.
I'm not a fan of removing killmails. I know it is the first thing that people suggest. Without the killmail the loss will not be ridiculed and people will be more relaxed and forgiving. The problem I have with it is that removing killboards opens up a lack of knowledge in what really happened. Fights become a mixture of fact and lies.
The lies are what bother me. It may be a me thing. I could always say, "Well I know what happened!" And that is true, I do. But, I do love knowing what happened. I'm one of those people who want logistics ships on killmails. The information saturation to me is important because the lies bother me so much. The gloating and the smugness that comes from creating a reality that only existed from the moment it was told to another person makes me grit my teeth.
I like the information and the tracking. I like the knowledge and the awareness. But, that is tainted by the shaming that happens over loss. I don't think killmails are magical. We have things like a culture of ISK efficiency where you lose a fight despite having kicked ass and taken names because your ship cost .01 ISK more then their ship did. "Oh its a wash." "Oh, we lost the ISK war." It makes me grit my teeth.
Loss and gain can be as nebulous as fun in a game where goals are self defined instead of preset and measured. Lacking a competitive nature, I spin off into the sunset happy as can be while others sit and stare at their measurements and mutter darkly at each other. Those measurements are fine. We all define what something means to ourselves. The problem is when that measurement is extended to another and affixed with duct tape.
It means that I wind up owning shame that is not my own. Yet, if I am not careful I carry it as if it belongs to me. Because I play with other people and our interactions with each other dictate our day, I cannot just toss every shred of responsibility out of the window. Still, I've found myself shrinking about losing things not because the loss upset me but because the potential berating that would follow made me want to log out of the game.
Maybe if I were a competitive person it would be different. As it is, kill mails have a lot of negatives. There is a culture built around them. but, before one nods I also point out that they have positives as well. I think that a culture would grow out of them one way or another and that culture would still carry some weight of its current negativity. After all, at the end it is spaceship violence against anther player. That comes with its own baggage.
So, no. I will not be the one cheering for a killmail free Eve. But I do, very much, agree with Kaeda. We teach each other that losing things is bad. And when you learn something from the start it tends to follow you forever more. And I know other's will feel differently. It's a big subject, well worth its own thesis.
And as for my lossmail the other day? To me, it is ample proof that I'm out in space doing the pewpew in new and different environments. I'm glad that someone noticed. I'm not shamed by it. I won't cringe that someone is going to spend their time being snarky and insulting. Instead, I'm proud. There is my proof in the pudding. The chocolate pudding. And that is my personal win condition.