One of the negatives of writing whatever comes to the surface of ones mind is that some things won't go away until they are cleared out. It is easier to give in than to let it sit around. Today's mental clutter is about the CSM.
Now and then someone, says I should run for CSM. I normally stare at them stupidly. After a bit, I wondered, "should I?' and brought it up to someone. I was told no. I was not Eve Famous enough. I have no contacts and I have no chance as an unknown. Those things are true and cowed for my burst of wonder I slunk off and abandoned the topic.
Until it came up again. And a few more times. It made me start to really think about it.
I'm not a political follower of Eve. I watch the aspects of the game with interest but I spend no time in the politics of it. I live in low sec. I love low sec. I write a blog because I love writing a blog. I'm not eve-famous nor have I focused my efforts to become so. I'd have followed a different path. One where I sought more prominence, perhaps worked on more sensational things, or maybe self promoted. I don't know. To me, Eve Politics are something to be sipped while taking the pulse of some areas of the game. While loud and energetic they are not the entire game.
What I do know about myself is that I do love Eve and I do love Low Sec. Last election year I was disappointed when the possible low sec candidate dropped out. While the CSM is an active bunch they have their agendas and their areas. Mangala did reach out to us directly, which was nice. It didn't stop us from being an after thought. I don't have anything against that. Agendas and focuses are personal things. I'd prefer the honesty of an afterthought over the bitterness of a promised focus that was only a lie or the horror of a voice that does not know low sec attempting to speak for it.
But it brings up the problem that Low Sec needs a representative and like everyone else I've been looking around hoping one would appear out of the woodwork. Someone who'd be dedicated to the CSM thing but have a knowledge of low sec. That hasn't been happening and it isn't surprising. The space tends not to attract that personality type. The opinions, ideas, and thoughts are all there but that next step of going out and doing the CSM thing does not appeal to many.
And, I found myself doing something I disapproved of. I was looking for someone else to take care of a problem isntead of doing it myself. It isn't that I can fix everything. My furnace broke two weeks ago. I called a repairman instead of hoping someone else in the house would. In Eve, I've often taken it upon myself to do the things that I want to see done. Boosters. Market. Even writing long, detailed blog posts about the Events such as Eve Vegas and Fanfest. Sometimes you have to do the thing that you want done or at least try to do it.
I've mulled on it on and off for months. Mostly, the entire, "Who am I to do such a thing?" but the answer to that seems to be, "Someone who is willing to try to." Yet, I let myself get talked down about it with a wistful, "I'm not anyone." Yet today, I got tired of looking at my window hoping the magical, charismatic, focused, dedicated, low sec loving, candidate would pop out of the woodwork and announce themselves. I decided that may still happen but until then I might as well suck it up, push away my net of uncertainty and fretfulness and give it a go. Otherwise, how can I say that I tried?
I floated it around and I'm not surprised but still rather staggered by the negativity. Not a, "Haha, Sugar, LOL go away" negativity. More of a, "You won't win." And "You won't get enough votes." and "You won't back a bloc behind you," and "You need a sponsor so anyone will look at you."
It horrified me a bit. Not because I'm some random unknown low sec player. More so because that is the state of the voting. There was such a despondent negativity that I almost hung my head and walked away feeling dumb.
The thing is that I have this bit of stubbornness to my personality. It is at odds with a lot of my nature. It is not malleable or flexible. And, as wave after wave of, "You'll lose," tinted with the wistfulness of, "Why try?" it sprang into existence. Normally when this happens flames emerge from my head and as if a dark beast has climbed from the pit ready to burn the world down before I back down from something. This time it just strengthen my spine.
The thing is that I know it may be a futile attempt. Being a no-body, no block vote behind me, not good at self promotion, and a social wallflower won't help anything. None of that actually matters. It has to be attempted. Someone has to try. And if failure happens, it happens.
I've been around for two elections so far. I've voted each time. I vote for the person who I feel represents the best. They may not represent me but they may have an area that they do represent that I can get behind. I don't vote by popularity or other peoples choices because at the end of the day when I complain or compliment the CSM I can say that yes, I tried to do what I thought was the best thing.
I'm not a politician. I'm not socially gifted. I don't rub shoulders. I have zero sales ability. I have positives and abilities, accomplishments and areas that I understand. I also have things I do not know and I'm not smart enough to not admit them. As I said in Jabber to my corp, I'm a chick who loves low sec and is willing to put the time and energy out for the task. It means making a step, intimidating or not.
A couple of months ago someone convoed me to say that my blog wasn't about low sec. What he failed to see is that what I write is almost always about low sec. Low sec, to me, is more than the semi-lawed area between high sec and null. It has a pulse and a life and people inside of it. It is its own flavor of space and to talk about low sec is to acknowledge all of this. From the logistics, to the market, to the PvE to the PvP. From the Dust Players to the raging Faction Warfare arguments they are all aspects of low sec space. I can't define low sec as FW or Pirates only. There is so much more there.
The game isn't only low sec. I know that. It isn't about CCP listen to my pet project! I know that as well. I know that there is much, much more to the process. Still, someone needs to be low secs champion through it all. As I said above, some talented, charismatic, connected, person may rise up to run for low sec CSM. Someone who isn't me. And if that happens, cool. But if not, someone is going to run and represent it this year. I'll write something better and more professional later, that hits points and topics and all that stuff. But for now, I'm stating a position of where I will be. And if I do this, I'll do it my way.
For now, I'm going to continue discussing if Grimlock would really let Optimus Prime ride him in corp chat. We don't see it happening. He was too prideful and the the trailer clip makes us frown. Grimlock was way too obsessed with being in charge and, "Grimlock this," and "Grimlock that."
Thanks for taking the time to read.