I spent all of Wednesday staring at my computer screen writing about two paragraphs worth of text. All of my ability to make letters flicker across my screen failed me. I don't blame myself. I blame whomever it is that thinks writing a self evaluation is productive, constructive, or a positive thing for me to do. I wound up feeling like crap and wishing that I could just drop everything and walk out of my job and try something else in life.
Somewhere, in my daydreaming I thought, "this would be more interesting if I was writing it about Eve." But, I didn't allow myself to stop staring at my screen and eventually, I squeezed out something that sounded okay. Not to bad not to good. Unlike the ideas that flickered across my mind for Eve I didn't see this as a helpful exercise for my future.
But for Eve, it is more interesting. For my evaluation I had to list weaknesses, a strengths, and something I wanted to improve.
After writing it out... it looks and sounds just as bad written for Eve as it did for work. It seems to be just as stupid as I thought it was. Damn.
Somewhere, in my daydreaming I thought, "this would be more interesting if I was writing it about Eve." But, I didn't allow myself to stop staring at my screen and eventually, I squeezed out something that sounded okay. Not to bad not to good. Unlike the ideas that flickered across my mind for Eve I didn't see this as a helpful exercise for my future.
But for Eve, it is more interesting. For my evaluation I had to list weaknesses, a strengths, and something I wanted to improve.
Weaknesses: I need to be a more confident in my PvP.
Strengths: I'm reliable and a good communicator.
Things to improve: I need work on my null sec skills.
(This wasn't in my evaluation) Personal goals: I'd like to spend a bit of time in logi for PvP. I have the skills, I've spent time in incursions, now I need to give our current logi pilots a break and get into this area more.
After writing it out... it looks and sounds just as bad written for Eve as it did for work. It seems to be just as stupid as I thought it was. Damn.
I hate our annual review process. Over the years it has become more formalized, more form-based, and less useful.
ReplyDeleteAt least my boss has taken it for what its worth "yeah,thanks for the form, it goes into your file. Now, lets talk" That part of the evaluation part is useful. No self-diagnosis. Its my boss talking with me about my performance. Outside looking in. Not inside looking in.
I've come to the conclusion that self-analysis leads to self abuse, and I'm not ready to give up my vision yet :)