Blog Banter #51 - It is but a Piece of a Whole

Blog Banter 51

EVE Online can be a game of heart-pounding, palm-sweating, adrenaline-fuelled ecstasy or agony. Sometimes over the years those reactions dim and what was once a panic inducing situation becomes commonplace routine. For some, the shakes never go away.
From Druur Monakh (Twitter: @DruurMonakh) we get the topic of this banter: what was your most nail-biting experience in EVE Online so far? It could be PvP in a 1v1 or 1000v1000, your first fight or your latest one, a scam so close to being uncovered too soon, a trap almost sprung on an unsuspecting victim or the roles reversed and you desperately try to escape.

One day, when I participate in one of these Blog Banters, I will write about the topic as it is outlined. Maybe. I won't make promises. I think this topic is supposed to produce a flood of war stories. A wave of consumable fodder for the readers. Battles, glory, stress, desire, loss, gain, its a beautiful mix of emotions.  It is exciting, tangible, relatable, and almost everyone has a story. After all, Eve is a game of stories.

But, is Eve a game of singular stories? When asked who my favorite author is, I will say, "I don't know." When asked about music, art, or food, my answer will be the same thing. "I don't know." When asked about my most 'nail-biting experience', the desire to say, "I don't bite my nails while playing Eve," is strong. I tend to bite my nails at work when I have to listen to people who are driving me insane.

I PvP enough that this question makes me think of pewpew spaceship v spaceship PvP.

A few months ago I read someone saying that combat ships, big guns and shooting things in the face, "is the best things in Eve." I hear that about solo. I hear that about a lot of things. Nothing brings the shakes like a frigate fight some may say. Intensity. Knowing the moment of loss is coming as you push yourself to your maximum and get out by a hair. It is so exciting. It is also not my Eve life.

I don't get a thrill out of competition. It just makes me miserable and I want to leave. I don't fight to get an adrenalin rush. I don't fight because I want to beat the other guy. I fight because I enjoy the activity. Because I enjoy the people. And because I've finally started to think beyond what is happening, in a wider, broader picture where I act out a series of decisions to the successful goal I was going for.

I've always been attracted to the fleet concept in Eve. One thing that drives me nuts is people trying to avoid fleets. The very nature of the thing speaks of a multi-layered, complex structure, of more than one person. "Why can't I fight Dagan?" the new players ask. "Why can't I kill him?" "What fit do I need?" never the thought to join forces with another, to work together in a group.

The shakes hit me the hardest before a fight. When the plan has been laid out and my place in it clicks in. They hit me then. I tend to shiver. Sometimes my teeth chatter. It is a warm up. A preparation for action. That is what the adrenaline rush is for. It is a preparation. It is the moment that the FC given me my job and I throw myself into the fight. It is the weight of action on my part. It is the crystal clarity as my mind works in overdrive to process and act upon information. It is no single moment in the game and it never will be.

I have something to do. I have something to be. I have people that are relying on my actions. Nothing kills my enjoyment then a disappointed comment from my FC about my flying. When I'm in fleet I'm committed to its goals. I'll take whatever I can to improve myself and not fail those around me.

I don't find adrenaline rushes to be pleasant. I don't seek them out. However, I appreciate what it does for me. Once the fight starts I am to busy thinking to worry about it. I'm making decisions. I'm acting upon the things that I do. I'm focused on the 4km distance between neuts capping me out and losing my point.

What is excitement? What is fear? What is the reason for the adrenaline that dumps into our system. Sometimes it is there. Sometimes it is not. There is no one moment when there are hundreds of them all twisted and twined around each other, each a brilliant moment on its own.