Actions have consequences in Eve. Not just the mistakes that we make as a player but our social actions have consequences. We often consider them diplomatic situations. Shooting a blue. Ganking an alt. Ratting in the wrong space? But there are others and it is a wild and crazy world for a new player. The mega game is unknown. I learned fear before I learned confidence. I don’t speak of true fear. The type where I am scared. I speak of the resonating emotion that reflects what we do in the game. The concerns about mistakes and the worries about actions. The fear of embarrassing your corporation or causing them problems.
The first time I was directly threatened it was by a member of Rooks and Kings. He then added that my corp was not large enough to make an interesting video for them so it would not be worth the time to come after us. I was still worried. Who had I offended? How would it negatively affect the boys? I didn't understand a thing about Eve or PvP at that point.
Over time I’ve often avoided situations and confrontations with people. Not because I worried for myself. I’m a believer in reaping what you sow when it comes to interactions. More, I was worried about how it would affect other people who had not asked for what I was bringing. Mixed in with my own insecurities I was always cautious when dealing with people. Add in the natural aspects of my personality and rarely am I out right offensive to people. Unless I am irritated.
But at the core of what we do there is ego. There is the soul of a persons personality. There is a lot about Ego in Eve. It is an interesting word. It is one that has meaning and definition on its own but that has been given negative connotations it does not deserve. It is a word I have been thinking about a lot recently in relation to Eve. When I found myself shying away from it I picked it up and put it down in the middle of the room where I could walk around it and ponder it.
Ego has a lot of worries that derive from it. Egotistical. Egomaniac. Negative words that pollute the basic concept of Ego being a persons self confidence. Even reading the definitions and uses of Ego it is a very flexible word. I often poke at serious topics when writing about Eve. I do this because my time in Eve is about socializing with people. Even if I am having an alone time I am a member of a group. That group is a part of a larger community. Beyond that connections stretch and thin and become more personal and less group oriented which changes their basic structure.
Ego is a driving focus. It is a core principle of successful leadership. It is also a core principle of unsuccessful leadership. It is both good and bad depending on how it is applied. Some of the people with the most focused egos in the game as the most charismatic and successful. We are all motivated by it on different levels.
DP once commented about bloggers and ego. I rolled the topic around my mind for months. I try not to be egotistical. It is not the vision of myself that I wish to have. It is one that some people will have of me. I cannot convince everyone that I am fantastic. But really, it isn't egotistical that he said. It is about ego. My blog is an aspect of my ego. It is my thoughts and opinions my conclusions and my views. I cannot deny that my thoughts are mine nor do I wish to exist in a perpetual state of no opinion. I’d never get anything done.
But ego is not always arrogance. It is easy for the two to intertwine. And arrogance is not always a negative. It can be the strength a leader needs to support the people following them. In a way you can borrow confidence. I’m a firm believer that this happens with a solid fleet commander. In that trust is the borrowing of that confidence. The belief that at this moment we are going to achieve our goals spills over.
And my ego affects me. My decision to blog. My decision to share what I share. It brings with it consequences. They are not always bad. They are not always good. People will agree and they will disagree. I will never be able to entertain everyone with every post. And sometimes, I will make people angry.
My decision to speak about the Angry Oddelulf Newbie was a conscious one. I was surprised when he responded. Not surprised that he would respond. The amount of time he devoted to speaking in local has told me that he is willing to talk. More along the fact that someone went out of their way to figure out who he was and send him to the blog.
When I woke to five comment notification e-mails and each one a full page I thought about what to do. I decided to do nothing. After all, I had written about him first. If he chose to rip away the thin veil of anonymity and proceed to tell me that I am wrong and need to learn about Eve I'm not going to stop him. If I am going to open my mouth it would be ridiculous for me to stop the subject of my discussion from presenting their counter argument.
He says he is not angry. I shall consider him my unwilling muse. His palatable non-anger is fascinating.