Being around bitter vets is hard. On one side, they are
fantastic resources They have immense knowledge of the
game. They can explain minute and intricate detail. They understand why, when,
how, and what. Getting one to teach you is like finding a gold mind that spits
out platinum encrusted diamonds.
On the other hand,
they make me feel bad.
Sometimes, I have
to close some of my chat windows and let them vent. I know that things have
changed. I know that things have been different. But being told that everything
I fly sucks, everything I do is now terrible, everything I enjoy is a horrible
shadow of what it once was makes me feel terrible and mildly depressed like the
game is going to self destruct under me.
I'm not the most
cheerful person in the world. I'm not a very cheerful person at all. Yet, I
enjoy Eve and listening to the bitter vets almost makes me ashamed of
that fact. They can excise joy from a new discovery with swift, neat strokes
while shredding the ship I am so thrilled to be flying and leaving me with a
hollow emptiness that nothing I do will ever be worth the time I put
into it.
Someone
once asked me how I can stand to be around new players. How I can
deal with the same question over and over again. It's the joy. The simple joy
that they feel upon trying the game. It is their happiness at making a million
ISK off of their mining haul. It is the thrill they feel the first time they
get into a destroyer.
It offsets the
bitter.
I know Eve
isn't perfect Its changing. Things that they once loved are gone,
changed, or harder. I've experienced enough changes to make me feel
awkward and unbalanced and I've only been playing just over a year. I don't
think CCP should not work with Eve, that things that are broken should not be
fixed.
Maybe it is because
I am not bitter too. I cannot relate to their darkness. It's been
explained to me before. The endless disappointments. The unfixed changes. The
bugs everywhere. How it wears them down and darkens their soul.
Even I feel the
tug sometimes and so early in my play.
But, I still like
Eve. And sometimes the bitterness is to much. I start to feel demeaned.
As if my enjoyment of things that are no longer what they were makes me a
fool. Ridiculous. Stupid.
I remind myself
that they still play. There is some pleasure in there, somewhere. Its just
covered. Coated. A thick, britle crust that at times soften. I remember the
good times. The roams. The teaching. The help. The pleasure when things go as
they should.
I sigh. The bitter
vets need love to. It can hurt sometimes, to be so close to their prickles, but
they are worth it. Somewhere. Out there... a
bittervet needs a little love.
I'm going to go far out into the left stands here - but I was reminded of that stereotype of parents who listen to their kid's music. And like every stereotypes, there is a kernel of truth underneath the comedic exaggerations.
ReplyDeleteIt is usually played as ridiculing the parents desperately "trying to be cool" in order to be "pals to their kids". But in RL I can see a different motivation: to stay in the habit of looking at the world with eyes untainted by a lifetime of experiences and habits.
Personally, whenever I feel bittervet'ism encroaching, I either play something else for a while, or I go back and read my own old postings, to remind myself of the mindset I had way back when. It's not always flattering, but it works more often than not to re-energize the sense of wonder I had when first joining EVE.
This expressed somewhat what I felt in my old corps.
ReplyDeleteI cant speak for everyone because everyone looks at things differently. I have been around long enough that I go "Remember when" but though the text in the chat doesnt always show it I am actually saying it with the wistfulness of times past that we will never see again and in those times I had a lot of fun. Those times in the past were not of course all fun they had their fair share of hardships but when looking back often sparked by a memory of "how things used to be" games mechanics wise it also reminds me of good times I had with good people back then many of whom no longer play the game and tbh I miss them too.
ReplyDelete