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Rehashing the Banter Reasons

[TL;DR: Where Sugar discusses connections to people socially and emotionally.]

An excellent write up for BlogBanter 39 was done by TurAmarth ElRandir. It is a fun read.

It was the first time I had unofficially joined in this greater blogger connective. I wound up writing a topic that fit into the previous blogbanter but I was not bold or brave enough to submit it. At the time, I'd not really read the rules about it and assumed that I could not join in because I was not one of the illustriously labeled 'Blog Pack' members. I've always considered myself under the radar and in general ignored by the 'adult' blogs out there as I spun around and mused and pondered the game in my own little pool of words and images.

I was a bit puzzled when he wrote in his summary:

TurAmarth ElRandir:

"As I read through the minutes, we consistently see two definitions of home, one, home is where you store your ships, your current base of operations and, two, home is where your corp, Alliance and friends are. There are a few ‘home is my ship’ (4) and ‘home Is all of EVE’ (4) and one, “home is a post”, (oh wait… “posthome” whatever that means Jester… =P ) from the more nomadic, or esoteric, souls, but on the whole a few more (19) claimed the “place” they lived over corp or Alliance (14) and is, therefore, the majority definition of “Home” for immortals in New Eden.

I must admit to being personally a little disappointed in my immortal brethren… I would have thought the social aspects were more important than that to the majority... but read them yourself and see what you think."

My thoughts flickered around it and I decided to comment.

"It was very nicely done.

I would also say, don't be disappointed. Home is a deep concept. safety and retreat full of personal space and self comfort away from social stresses.

As much as we may love corp and friend we also lose them. Be it to inactivity or social and political reasons. We may need the support of others but we must build our foundations on ourselves first. It is survival and are not we players naught but survivors in a harsh galaxy?"

I really need to stop writing responses from my cellphone. But, I have poor self control when I want to discus things such as thing and do it anyway. I really didn't know how to ask what I wanted to ask. He said that he was disappointed. I felt irritated that my response had disappointed him. Had I missed something? It was quite possible. I also did not know what was and what was not role play. Really, I was confused but I wanted to tackle the topic anyway.

Why was there disappointment? What had I gotten wrong about this?

TurAmarth ElRandir:

"Sugar, thanx also, and I, respectfully, disagree... Yes, our foundation is ourselves and yes, people move on and 'change' is reality. As far as survivors goes though, I humbly disagree... and this is why I was disappointed, we are Immortals, we are not survivors as we cannot 'die' (ingame). We will always continue to exist no matter how much we lose or how badly we fail, or win.

So for me, as I and the other immortals cannot be 'killed off' (ingame) as 'twere... then those associations and relationships are far more important to me than place or stuff. Please keep in mind I am tainted by the fact that I came into EVE with my son and a RL friend already ingame and ready to make a corp together after I went through my early noobhood... and those 2 guys, and the friends I have made in the 2 years since, some still here some now gone, are the greatest part of the reason I play EVE.

I am not sure I would continue to play if HBHI broke up... Hence this BB meant a lot to me... =]"

This actually touched a deeper cord for me. Maybe I am not a good person. I do know that social relationships mean a lot to me but they can not mean everything. I can not go about in game or out and hand other people that much value in why I do something. At the end of the day I have to be able to take care of myself.

One of the guys who has been in Molden Heath in one of the other pirate corps we are close to quit the game last week. He decided that he had spent to much time playing Eve. He posted a goodbye on our forums, removed Eve from the game and deletd his forum links. He left his facebook contact information.

It was very sad. Coiled even commented that 'it feels like someone has died when they quit the game'. It does. It does so much and it sucks so incredibly bad when someone you enjoy that much rips themselves away in such a manner. Many times friendships expand outside of the game and become permanent. As a holder of many such friendships its always hurtful when someone completely disconnects and walks away because 'its a game'. At the same time I never discourage their decision because they have to do what is the best thing for them to do. For some it is quitting everyone cold turkey. I don't consider myself a bad person to hang around with but at the same time if their acquaintance with me is tied upon something else that is negitively affecting their life they have to make decisions.

Anyway, my corp was created by people who know each other in real life. I've had the pleasure of meeting some of them in person and soon I hope to extend that into meeting more. Its simply a way to say that the relationships twine and entangle and that it is more depending on the individual to me.

But if THC2 kicked me tomorrow I'd not quit Eve. I'd cry. I'd cry for quite a while. Tears would flow and I'd be terribly, terribly sad. I'd still not quite Eve. I'd have a Molden Heath shaped hole in my heart forever. I'd crawl away to some hole and lick my wounds as I recovered and went off to continue to do something else.

In that, I may be a selfish person. I'm a believer in looking out for myself and being able to stand back up when knocked down. It may make me a cold person but it is who I am. At the same time I understand that other people are where it is at for someone.


"I do understand. It's perspective and its linked to deeply personal reasons. still, your disappointment saddens me. perhaps filtering along the draw of why one plays would branch the reasons and pull out the branches to follow.

I can't see it your way because I do not have and have not had what you so. But, I hope that many of these relationships become permanent friendship is still not home to me."

TurAmarth ElRandir:

"As we all know, 'perception is reality'...

Please don't be saddened by my feelings in response to a 19 to 14 very unofficial blog 'vote' over a 'concept'... and TDH I was probably more surprised than dissapointed actually. I know that for almost all of the people I fly with or have flown with, corp and Alliance are more home than any 'place' in EVE...

Mab the Mumbler was a solo player for many years until joining HBHI... and he has found the shared comradarie and support and friendship that I speak of. Mab has fit in well with HBHI because we are a 'corp of loners'. Weird but true. We are as comfortable with playing solo as we are in fleet in our wormhole... you have to be in a small W-space corp because too many times you are going to be on alone due to RL and TZ stuff.

The problem for anyone alone here in EVE, is finding a core group of people with whom you have shared interests... I hope for you too, that you find the comradarie and friendship we have found here in cold hard black. =]"

But, I already have. And while Ren and Diz may worry that I will rage quit when I get angry and Ender may have spent unsuccessful months beating me with the Tengu stick and Dher and I clash cuz I'm stubborn and MacG is my personal assistant (dunno how that happened still) and Vov has threatened to beat me with rolled up newspaper if my self confidence does not improve... it to me is all a showing of people caring and having a place. But, at the same time, its not something that one is going to automatically know.

I still don't know if I did this blogbanter concept wrong. After my failure to write anything more then poison tipped words about my absolute hatred of sports (which I realized was even worse then I thought it was) for BlogBanter 40 I'm a bit leery of what 41 will bring.


  1. Home is both where the heart is, and where you keep all your shit on a long term basis.

    Sometimes this is the same place. Sometimes its not.


  2. Blog Banters are whatever you want them to be, there's certainly no entry requirements. They're just an inclusive community device to get bloggers and readers communicating and to encourage the cross-pollination of readership and opinion. So if you and TurAmarth have had a bit of a banter, then it's working as intended. Welcome to the community. :)

    Also, "player nougat" sounds tasty. ;)

  3. Huh...

    You know, I faithfully read your blog and I REALLY enjoyed our little back-n-forth (which you cut-n-pasted in toto above) but I somehow missed this post... and damned sad I did too. (not like, you know 'real world' sad, just sorta virtuasad... ish... =\

    I did not realize at the time that you had the depth of friendships ingame that extended to IRL or I would have taken a different tack.

    As for me, would I 'really' quit EvE if HBHI disbanded? I really don't know and TBH facing that question is something I shy away from mentally... I don't want that to happen so badly I can't even bring myself to contemplate it to any depth.

    AI and Strigon are my sons, not necessarily by blood, but by far stronger bonds... They are my sons of choice. Not flying with them, not seeing them on chat and hearing them in Comms... not arguing heatedly then flying to each others support without hesitation would leave New Eden a dark and lonely place for me... even with my space friends in support, losing contact w/ my sons, losing HBHI and what it means to 'us' would be hard hard hard.

    Mebbe I should be more self sufficient in that regard. Not so attached to such ephemeral things... Not in a negative way, I know I would still have my sons IRL... still do family stuff together... In a positive way, it is just a 'game' after all...

    and... what a helluva game huh? =]

  4. OH dammit, I fergot to add...

    "I also did not know what was and what was not role play. Really, I was confused"

    My RP is a wee bit weird... you see I do, and I dunt. I do RP as Tur, but Tur IS me, so I am RPing as ME so I dunt...

    Everything Tur says comes straight and undiluted from Jason's skeevy little heart and chemically altered, age addled brain...

    I mean exactly what Tur says,
    and Tur means exactly what I think...
    if you get me/him...
    us... =]

    Better? ...or to cause migraine again I did?


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