I've decided to become a pirate queen.
Well, not really but kinda actually. If that back step and forward step blot of words makes sense.
I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about what I am doing in game. A few days ago, I picked up my loot container and flipped through all the pretties I had collected in there. I'd collected around a billion isk in random things. Modules, ammo, anything that I found in wrecks or stolen from people was all shoved in one container named loot. I started the container when I first started to PvP. It was a tactile reminder for me that I was doing stuff.
We have spent a lot of time talking about making money for the corporation. As individual members we are not poor (for the most part Razor). But our corporation is poor simply because it has never needed to do more than pay some basic bills.
With ATX behind us and ATXI before us we want to do a better job next year. Not with just advancing further (winning) but with being set up and prepared. I guess focused and more grounded. This has turned our attention to stocking our corporation wallet instead of individuals doing chunks here and there. We decided on some things to try and see how they went.
When we sat down and made that decision I realized that I was all in with THC2. That may sound odd to anyone that has read my blog which often is a long, complex, word soaked love letter to my corp and alliance. I realized that for now I didn't have time to create any subroutes. I had debated making an alt to be grunt in null sec just to see the big wars. I decided that path, while not closed to me, wouldn't be a viable one right now. Where I was now mattered to me. The people that I played with had all of my focus.
I picked up my loot container and dumped it into the corporate hangers. That is where most of our loot goes anyway. We recycle it to use for ourselves when we need something. I wasn't keeping my container for profit. I was keeping it as something of a trophy but more of a reminder that I really did do this PvP stuff.
Then I realized that I didn't need that reminder anymore.
So, I dumped it into the corp hanger and renamed the can to another use.
And then I undocked and went to shoot things. LR and Fried had managed to get into a mess about 6 jumps away. Diz and Dher and I ran to assist. We lost Dher's drake but we extracted LR and Fried. Dher was cheering because his insurance was almost up on the drake. Silly man.
I'm not shooting things confidently yet, but of late I feel a bit calmer. I blame Mac. Helping him and focusing on him has altered me more and faster then I have been able to do myself. If something were to happen to him I'd land on grid and sacrifice my ship for him to get away. I'd not go, "My cane is 70+mil and your Vexor is 10(?) 20(?) so you get to die." It would not be about ISK value it would be about defending my corpmate.
Maybe I have shewolf syndrome. There I am, thinking of defending my corpmate with more ferocity then I'd put into defending myself. With that little realization came some knowledge of personal change. Somewhere, my little in game mentality shifted a little bit and clicked into a different format.
Something else happened about the same time. My scanning alt is in the corp that I debated robbing. They have nothing and are pretty much dead but she hangs out there. One member is leaving due to some mild drama to a null sec corp with an 'assault wing'. That made me giggle. Anyway, he commented that I'd be hard to find and gank. I chuckled and told him that I'd be much harder to kill then he expected and it would be a much more negative event then he would think. And I meant it.
I originally started this post to comment on the fact that I need a better PvE boat. I never got to that. Maybe later. For now, I'm going to be amused at the fact that Eve is a game where self sacrifice and defense of your 'team' matter as much as they do. I'll have to debate writing about the weighty terms the game creates as well.