And thusly, I received my first negative reaction from someone whom happened to cross the nonfleet member side of Capital Punishment.’s fleet roams. It seems that the gentlemen in question had decided to make his fortune in low sec. Unfortunately for him, he decided to settle to his carebearing in Molden Heath.
It took a bit to figure out who he was. There is a reason that I run two to three Eve clients, a Chrome browsers, a Firefox browser, and about twenty tabs at any given moment. I am an Informavore. Once I found him and skimmed the kill mails I was a little bit more informed as to what I was dealing with. I can say that I was never involved in a roam where he died. He told me that eventually he took to leaving the system if one of us logged in. We also stole his plexs more than once. I may have been involved in that.
The sensation of reciving the mildly bitter blame for hindering his game progress was a bit uncomfortable at first. It was not about Sugar the player, it was about Sugar the Capital. Punishment alliance member. I could easily say, “I did not pewpew you, why are you blaming me?” Instead I stepped forward and talked to him. I absorbed his bitterness and presented myself as what I am. A player, who lives in low security space, shoots people and is rather friendly and often good natured at the same time. I let him pour some of his frustrating out on me and accepted that he was not frustrated with me or frustrated with my boys but frustrated at his own thwarted goals. It was different.
At one point I would have tried to pet and sooth him and perhaps even appolgize. Now… well we did nothing wrong. I can absorb the bitterness as par for the course. If we had done something wrong, broken a promise, or something that would be a different matter. Nonconsensual spaceship touching was not something I could do more then explain to him that it was not personal. “We never targeted you,” I said.
Some people would tell me to say all sorts of fun things like "HTFU" or "Grow a pair" or whatever their flavor of insult was for the day. That's never been my thing. Perhaps, a conversation can reach such a point but at the start no thank you.
“I felt targeted."
“You were where we live. This is what we do. It’s not personal.”
Pewpew can get personal. I will not try to dismiss that. While "It is a game" is tossed out, emotions and energy run high in games. It is one of the draws of them. Mix in the anonymity of the internet and things can develop a viciousness that is almost startling. I'm sure it can feel personal to run from the same names every time they jump in system with the knowledge that if you hang around they will probably go for you.
None of that makes it personal. In low security space, spaceships pewpew other spaceships. "I just started to leave when you came in system. I couldn't get anything accomplished."
As I skimmed over his killboard I could see why he was bitter. He lost four tengu that month. We happened to be the last group to have killed him.
It was an interesting day for talking to people. Earlier that same day, I had my first diplomatic conversation. Someone had heard something and wanted to check. We cleared up the issue as much as possible. It was not dramatic or large but it was a little first for me. A dipping of my toes into these dark waters. I like peep toe shoes as well, so I can feel the chill of the newness directly.
I have to step back and remember that I was not always this site scanning, free wheeling, pirateish Eve online player. I was asked once why I spend so much time with new players and carebears. Beyond the fact that I adore helping people, it’s a matter of not losing touch with everyone else in the game. I’ve developed some friends in null sec as well. Their thoughts and opinions interest me. Through the eyes of the people I know I can view the rest of the game without the tint of my own experiences. I may not agree on a personal level, yet it is good to know what affects people.
It seems that this is an entry step into another part of the Eve subgames. Here, game play becomes about people. Success is measured in communication and becomes intangible. I feel like opposite reflection to Gevlon sometimes. He is so scornful of socials. A major chunk of my game play is about embracing socialization and constructing my game play out of my interactions with those around me.
I want to mold my image as approachable and reasonable. I feel that I am both. I enjoy talking to people in general. I know that a certain set are automatically repelled by my participation in spaceship violence. I can only hope that sometimes or at some point they can peer past the preconceptions. Not everyone will like me (amazing as that is) but I do hope people can feel that they can talk to me.
I guess thats why they stapled some labels onto me and cast me out into the wild.