I've been flying around in the darkness, absorbing how different a place can feel from home. I'm even minorly homesick. Evemaps are my new, constant companion behind my game window. Normally, at 'home' I never needed to have it up until we ventured afield.
Space is different here and no one knows me. It is amazing how comfortable familiarity is, even with those that will cause you explosions. Now each system is full of people I do not know and have never seen before.
It's not been a fun time so far. My new home system has people in it already. I've not come into conflict with them yet, but I am sure it is coming. Most seem to be missioning. Interesting, that. I've been hunted and chased down most of the places that I have yet found something to do. The skys have not been overflowing with sites and plexs, despite my dreams. I did finally complete a 4/10 to be rewarded with nothing.
The Alliance Tournament also looms on the horizon. Tomorrow, the alliance will go off and do whatever it is they do to play in it.
The Tournament is something I had tried to write up a few times and failed and deleted each attempt. The posts turned into nothing more then hate filled rants about my dislike of sports. I have tried to be supportive to the alliances desire to participate in it. I donated isk to the cause, I've participated in the practice sessions for the past two months, I've herded people to practice sessions and encouraged participation.
Now, that the first round is tomorrow, I've detached myself. My positivity was very hard to maintain. I maintained it simply because I like the people that I fly with. Now that the chat channels are swarming with it and it has gone live, it now is on the tip of everyone's fingers. People are excited about this.
I can be a total, raving bitch about sports. Instead of freaking out all over everyone that mentions it, I've decided to just withdraw while it is the popular event. I'm not playing in it. I find myself in a true case of 'if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all'. I rarely believe in that saying, but for now, considering it is with the people that I hang out with the most in the game, I am trying it out. I don't need to darken their pleasure due to my disinterest.
Which led me to thoughts about validation in gameplay. So far, I have not yet been able to piece together anything coherent about it.
Dark space, dark thoughts, dark mood, they all meld together today. My chat channels are closed and the darkness mine to ponder.