Skip to main content

Not ready to be on my own yet

I debated a battle with a drake before work the other day and I passed on it. I have a lot of reasons for it but the biggest one was that I was unsure of myself still. I do try to be honest about these things.

I write to keep myself honest as well. I debated this one, more along the lines of the crap people will say to me vs the fact that its simple truth in emotion. When one of my alliance mates read over my blog and commeted about the mission stuff, another goes "Oh god you wrote about missions? Why?". That type of reaction is why I've been hesitant to put myself out there as more then a random interweb hit by someone looking for stuffs.

Why indeed? Because it was new and interesting and I wanted to.

Oh things are improving. I'm pleased that I'm now considered when someone needs a cyno lit. I've done duty as an emergency backup cyno for several ops recently. Its exciting. Cynos are not 'fun' but being trusted to place it correctly off a station so that the dreds and carriers and jump freighters can come through is a big thing to me.

I'm growing. Yet, I still look a bit forward and step back sometimes. It is like the first day at a new school. You are excited and you are nervous and for a while the two things create conflict and confusion.

Another problem with the Drake listed above, is that he is from a PvP corp that loves to hot drop. Seeing one of them alone is not a common occurrence. My corpmate and he are at a stalemate on a gate. My corp mate is in an interceptor. Both are flashy red. What to do?

When he land he went for me. This is where I feel I should have taken the fight. He was taking gateguns. But, if I committed was it a hot drop impending. He scrammed, webbed, and neuted me. Neuts? In my cane? I guess... it wasn't doing very much. Still. My corpmate is going "This smells bad to me, this smells bad".

So, with 20 minutes before I had to leave the house to go to work, I decided not to take said fight. I've been mulling it over. Drake on gate taking gateguns vs my cane. He is a much older toon then I am. I just plugged in Battlecruiser 5 and have 20 days on it. What to do... what to do...

For now, I'm erring on the side of caution. I regret it. However, I didn't spend a night beating myself up over having my ship blown up. Still, I'm 5 months old. I guess I could go and canflip or frig fight or hunt down newbies for solo kills...

Is Solo killing my goal? I think I'd like to be able to do it vs needing to do it as my goal. I just want to have fun, enjoy my corpmates and have the good pewpew.

But I still fret and worry on my own. This is the second time I probably should have but decided to back out and wait. I suspect I'll simply be forced into it eventually. The push into cold water solution.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Taboo Questions

Let us talk contentious things. What about high sec? When will CCP pay attention to high sec and those that cannot spend their time in dangerous space?  This is somewhat how the day started, sparked by a question from an anonymous poster. Speaking about high sec, in general, is one of the hardest things to do. The amount of emotion wrapped around the topic is staggering. There are people who want to stay in high sec and nothing will make them leave. There are people who want no one to stay in high sec and wish to cripple everything about it. There are people in between, but the two extremes are large and emotional in discussion. My belief is simple. If a player wishes to live in high sec, I do not believe that anything will make them leave that is not their own curiosity. I do not believe that we can beat people out of high sec or destroy it until they go to other areas of space. Sometimes, I think we forget that every player has the option to not log back in. We want them to log

CSMX - Post #20

Summer is here and CCP is very much out of the office. Sion made a good point in wondering why everyone leaves Iceland when it has its best weather. What it means is that all is mostly quiet on the dev blog front. There are some things happening but the dev blogs and news announcements have not yet happened. The skill points were delivered on Tuesday  so yay for unallocated skill points. Over in CSM chat, there has been a lot of back and forth about sov and measuring the impact and success of things so far. I can say that CCP and the CSM are watching it. The pros and cons are coming in pretty hot and heavy. Some are being looked at now. Some have to see how things are going and if and how the direction needs to be tweaked. In my corner, I'm starting to gather things together. The summit is in seven or so weeks. In between then and now I need to gather up my question list and write down a few topics of discussion. I'm starting now because I have personal vacation at the end

And back again

My very slow wormhole adventure continues almost as slowly as I am terminating my island in Animal Crossing.  My class 3 wormhole was not where I wanted to be. I was looking for a class 1 or 2 wormhole. I dropped my probes and with much less confusion scanned another wormhole. I remembered to dscan and collect my probes as I warped to the wormhole. I even remembered to drop a bookmark, wormholes being such good bookmark locations later. My wormhole told me it was a route into low sec. I tilted my head. How circular do our adventures go. Today might be the day to die and that too is okay. That mantra dances in the back of my head these days. Even if someone mocks me, what does that matter? Fattening someone's killboard is their issue not mine. So I jumped through and found myself in Efa in Khanid, tucked on the edge of high sec and null sec. What an interesting little system.  Several connections to high sec. A connection to null sec. This must be quite the traffic system.    I am f