I didn't like doing missions way back during the tutorial. I waited to do them until last and they took me forever. I then went and tried the Sisters of Eve Arc and had my ass handed to me halfway through. I knew that I wasn't ready to fight things. I didn't know what I was doing or how I was doing it. I was pointing and shooting and not getting very far productively or enjoying it.
I truly enjoy missioning with others. The entire situation is different and a lot of fun. Yet, everyone seems to grind missions so well and so productively that I feel as if I am missing out. Hence, my faltering attempts to build myself into a better mission runner by sheer determination. Or, by the power of doing I can convince myself that I'm not so bad at it and not just a blob that doesn't give back on the battlefield. I have as bad an issue in game with wanting to pull my own weight as I do IRL. This is something I will have to manage better, methinkst.
I have been running missions all night. Halfway through the night I was scolded for not salvaging my stuff. Maybe I am super tired. Normally I am a fiend for it, but tonight, everything seems very complex. I don't have the self awareness to salvage after myself. Something is wrong with me today. Maybe its exhaustion.
I also managed to accidentally repair my ship for over a million ISK. I meant to repair a drone and selected repair all which also repaired the ship that I had modulus on doing that exact job. Then my drones got killed on a later mission and I started to mix and match because none were available nearby.
Now I'm kinda limping along on some type of sheer determination.