I should have felt rested on Thursday but I did not. I was up at six and out at my normal times. Last year I slept over one day and had to rush to the office. It has made me extra paranoid this time.
Dire commented yesterday that 0645 is not a super early time to get up. I debated being defensive. I get up at 0500 on my normal work days. Yet, that answer had a bit of a one upmanship feel to it and I remembered that I wasn't defending what I consider early. Part of my logging in what time I get up and go to bed and how long the meetings are is to let people know what is going on. I still hear about my 'free vacation' to Iceland. I've heard people say, "I am not interested in drinking and making friends with the dev's." Writing that I get up and have this mundane day is so that people know that we're up early and in meetings all day. There is such a chant of transparency but the summits themselves were cloaked. My goal in writing this has been to share the every day. Some may spend their evenings drinking but even if they do they have standards to meet. Everyone has been on time this year.
There is a lot of graffiti in this country. This was a little drawing stuck to the side of a building.
The CCP office is familar. Having badges this year is very nice. I feel a bit more confident when I enter. I know where I am going and I use the steps because its good for me. Leeloo took pictures of us and sent it around in a company e-mail so everyone knows who we are. I have the lovely fact of standing out a bit more than normal. Yet, when I walk in I feel like I'm invading someone else's home. So, I try to walk lightly and not get in the way.
I do like the office. As someone who has spent most of their life working for local governments, I'm fascinated by the office environment. It is attractive. People wander around without shoes. There are couches and chairs and a game room. It is unlike any work environment I've ever been in. It leaves me sadly and softly envious. Such a place will not be waiting for me when I go home.
But the hot, hot meeting room. Ugh. Four days of it and its like the room can no longer cool down and fresh air is not something we will ever be able to experience again.
We met the producers, which was interesting. We asked them what they did and how they did their job. We asked what we could do for them and we tried to learn how we can facilitate communication. Some of it is about building knowledge for future CSMs. We so often have information and then we try to figure out who does what and what may need what. It is not as clear as it might be most of the time so we're trying to figure out ways to make that better.
Team security is candid with us most of the time. We've asked them to write a dev blog making it clear what they handle and when and how one can or should contact them.
My Faction Warfare session went well. I'm going to work on the notes I took during the minutes once I finish writing this. A good bit is being put on the table. The session does contain some interesting things on the PvE side. A discussion about warp core stabs did happen and the general outcome of that is it for the balance team to discuss.
The rest of the evening was a big wad of talk about the white paper, then the community team, and then the retrospective. We could have cut out early but we wound up talking until almost six. However, people were going on the o7 show. We could stay and have pizza and watch if we wanted. I decided to slip out and go try to find a restaurant I was looking for to have a nice dinner.
I was asked later that night why I didn't go on the o7 show. The answer is simple enough. I'm not a physically attractive person and the internet is a cruel place. Without being beautiful and skinny or having intense whit or charm, there is little left for me but taunts and more blows to my already lacking self esteem. I didn't join the CSM to be on camera or spotlit in some way. I just wanted to work and hopefully make Eve better. Most days I don't know if that's happened but it has always been my goal. I feel guilty when I'm asked to go on things or people ask why I was not there. After all, I did promise to do my best by everyone. Yet, that is something I just can't bring myself to do and it makes me a bit ashamed of myself. I wish I could give people everything that they wanted and be good enough to do everything.
I went and changed into my t-shirt. It was the last time I'd have to put on a button up shirt. I try to dress well during these trips. I take my time in the office very seriously. As much as I hate dressing up and fashion I know that my normal attire is utterly simple and uninspired.
My restaurant of choice is called Kopar. My meal was amazing but there were beets on my plate. I decided to be bold and try them. They were amazing. Utterly amazing. I wound up talking to the head chef who told me how to make them. "So, easy" she said. Its a mix of vinegar and sugar and they are boiled for two hours. I shall be experimenting at home.
CCP will be moving their office in a few years. Until they do they are part of the harbor map.
I find that type of thing cool. Anyway, I came back to my room and wrote for a a bit. I was then buzzed by Sion after he finished his television segment on the o7 show to go out. Feeling less weird in comparison to Wednesday, I decided to take a deep breath and do so.
I've often talked about the struggles of being social. Its not that the people I am hanging out with are not great. They are very pleasant and I enjoy their company. Going out, hanging out places, they are not part of my normal life. I'd really never been to a bar before I started doing Eve things. Bars still confused me a good bit. I feel like I am intruding on people. I've talked about it and looked into it. Not drinking and getting past that social barrier seems to be part of the over all problem. The discomfort is all mine and I tend to warm up after a little bit.
I wound up staying out until 4am which was in itself interesting. I can say that everyone had the same opinions under various levels of intoxication. No strange and weird personalities jumped up. Some things may not agree with others but I found no horror or weirdness to concern myself with.