Not Ready for the Responsibility

It is Eve's 12th Birthday and CCP has given out their yearly gifts. As always, this has caused anger and complaints. I am fascinated by this cycle. CCP gives players stuff. Someone complains. The stuff is not good enough. The stuff is released and crashed market speculation happens and that's bad. I've not yet seen a gift giving from CCP that was not full of complaints somewhere.

This time they are giving out C3 and C4 genolution implants. Like when they rereleased the C1 and C2's people's market speculations have caused great loss and expensive stock devalued. I got C3and C4's with my collector's edition and I sold them because I can't have nice things.

My inability to have nice implants started when I was a newbie. I received the first set of C1 and C2 genos from Crucible's release or maybe it was Christmas? I was new and they were implants so I put them in my head. My urge was to hoard them but I felt that I should use them instead. I had hoarded in every other game. Eve was to be different. I'd be bold!

I was killed for the first time a few weeks later. I was then podded because I tried to slow boat back to the gate. I was actually lost at the time in low sec. It was before I understood Eve's terrain. The incident made me learn terrain a bit better but I lost my implants and life went on.

At some point, after I was a year old I decided to gift myself with a set of snakes. I got myself a low grade set (the current mid grade) and discovered that I couldn't fit the Omega. So, I plugged in cybernetics 5 and waited until I could fit the set properly. I used them a few times but I felt bold and risky and exciting to have them.

I then, about a month later, destroyed them trying to clone jump in the morning before bed. I was working midnights still and I wanted to do something and didn't understand the popup window and destroyed my implants. Sigh. I was embarrassed. However, mistakes happen and I replaced them.

A few months later, I did the same thing.

I looked at my 1.4 billion ISK lesson and learned that I could not have nice things. I never upgraded my implants from +4 to +5. I figured I'd just do something stupid, yet again. I swore off fancy implants and went off to live a productive life with very few poddings. I kept that particular promise until I joined Snuff Box. I purchased a set of low grade slaves. I did so because I fully expected to destroy them.

I haven't lost them yet. I do think about it in every battle. Faction Warfare space is full of small, fast tackle and smart bombers. When it happens I will be sad. I do hate spending ISK. I'll replace them. I've learned that I don't fear losing the implants. I don't want to be heckled by it. It is like someone waving a loss mail at me in local. I figure it is just to taunt me and make me feel bad. It does but only in the sense that someone is actively trying to hurt me. Not that I am harmed by the loss.

Loss happens. I'm sure I will lose a pod or make another very stupid decision with a clone jump. I think I'll toss these implants into a container. Maybe one day I'll have a use for them.

But I doubt I'm responsible enough to use them any time soon.